Self-image as the key to personal development

Self-image. A success factor in personal development that is often neglected. I would like to change this. May I therefore present you with a bold statement? Here it is: The most important opinion you will ever have is the one you have about yourself. If you have read my article on Change diamonds you will already know how important your identity is for successful change. The more stable your personality is, the easier it will be for you to deal with upcoming challenges. The more you are at peace with yourself and can rely on solid beliefs and Values the easier it is for you to react to turbulent external developments. This is precisely why personal development is so important, because inner growth and external results always go hand in hand.

But if I were to ask you now who you are, would you be able to give me an immediate and convincing answer? No, I'm not interested in titles, positions or one of the many masks that you more or less like to wear in various areas of life. I am only interested in you as a person with all your exciting facets. Why am I pointing this out so explicitly?

Have you ever noticed that many people define themselves primarily by a certain role and base their entire personality on it? They are Martina's husband, an authorized signatory at Kunststoff Meier, Steffi's mother or the chairman of the Zepernick allotment garden association and are completely absorbed in this identity. But what remains when Martina gets divorced, Kunststoff Meier goes bankrupt, Steffi moves out of her parents' house or the beloved allotment association elects a new board? Usually not very much. Sometimes even nothing at all. And that's tragic. Because your self-image is the focal point of your entire life and therefore also of every Shift.

The power of self-image

I would like to use a short story to illustrate the role a strong self-image can play. In the US state of Tennessee in the 1940s, a young boy grew up in very humble circumstances. He didn't have many friends and people avoided him because he lived on the wrong street in the wrong neighborhood. He was often called scum or even worse. But deep inside this little boy burned the flame of passion and he had set his mind early on to make it big. He wanted to be someone and pursued this dream with everything he had.

His love was music. Although he owned an old guitar, he couldn't tune it. Nevertheless, he never gave up. In his mind's eye, he could already see himself standing on a stage while the audience cheered him on. Although he couldn't play yet, he was already a guitarist in his head. His only friend's cousin was the musician Lonzo Green, who taught the boy how to pick chords out of pity. Driven by his own dream, the little boy practiced like a man possessed and made rapid progress.

He was not impressed by the many negative programs in his environment and seized the opportunity that presented itself to him. And many years later, this boy called Elvis Presley left his mark on the whole world and shaped an entire generation with his music and passion. Rock ’n‘ roll was born. Even though all the circumstances were against Elvis, he resisted the temptation to feel like a victim. With his powerful self-image and unique attitude, he had simply created the right circumstances for himself.

Identity as the linchpin of change

This story shows one thing very clearly. Every change has its origins in your own identity. The image you have of yourself will sooner or later manifest itself in reality. Conversely, you cannot have lasting success if your thoughts and actions do not match this inner image. Or to put it more simply: If you can't see it, then you won't experience it. And this is where unconscious programming comes into play, influencing and shaping your personality from a young age.

It is simply incredibly difficult to develop an optimal attitude towards change if your self-image is dominated by limiting programming and messages of failure. This then leads to you not seeing yourself as valuable or even as a loser and the successful, the wealthy and the desirable people are always „the others“ who live in a completely different world.

Sooner or later, your self-image will be reflected in reality. If you see yourself as a winner, you will become a winner. If you see yourself as a loser, you will do everything on a subconscious level to ensure that this image also manifests itself in reality.

Self-image shapes reality

This morning I read another one of those stories about a lottery winner who has completely blown his million-dollar winnings within a year and now has to live on Hartz IV again. Why? His self-image was that of a failure. And even if, on a rational level, he would have given everything to belong and be a successful person, the reality of the situation was similar to his identity.

Many top athletes also earn several million at a young age and later live on the edge of subsistence because they make the wrong investments or simply spend too much. And many an entrepreneur builds up one company after another, only to end up bankrupt.

But why is it that the rapid rise in these cases is followed by an equally dramatic fall? These people have enough intelligence, work hard and with at least as much passion as everyone else. And if we were to ask them whether they really want to be successful and wealthy, they would answer in the affirmative from the bottom of their hearts. But if we look closely, we would almost certainly find a low self-esteem, which is then reflected in a corresponding identity.

A few years ago, the story of Vince Young made the headlines. He is a professional football player in the American NFL and had experienced a meteoric rise at a young age. He was one of the few to make the leap from the slums of a big city into the limelight of the glittering sport. In his early twenties, he was already a multi-millionaire and was predicted to have a great career as a quarterback.

But his identity was still that of the days when he had to fight hard for every hot meal as a young boy. His self-worth was so low that, in the depths of his subconscious, he couldn't imagine actually earning so much success and money. He still saw himself as the poor wretch, the loser and the failure from before. And it wasn't long before the external circumstances had adapted to his (subconscious) image of himself. He lost everything he owned, went through a serious crisis and is now sitting on a huge mountain of debt.

What does your self-image look like?

Now we come to the question you are probably already waiting for. What about your self-image? I know from my own experience that it takes a lot of courage to critically examine your own opinion of yourself. It is the easiest thing of all to do with others. But it is the hardest thing in the world to dare to take an honest look in the mirror. But you simply can't do without it. Whatever you set out to do and whatever you want to achieve, it all starts with the Vision, that you have of yourself.

Even Muhammad Ali knew about the power of self-image. The statement comes from him: „I am the greatest. And I said that before I even knew it was me.“ Reality adapts to identity. Ali's strong personality was so pronounced that the following incident occurred one day when he was about to fly from New York to San Francisco. The stewardess approached him and kindly said: „Mr. Ali, would you please fasten your seatbelt for take-off.“ The boxing champ's answer came promptly: „No. Superman doesn't need a seatbelt.“ But the stewardess was quick-witted and replied: „That may be true. But Superman doesn't need an airplane either.“

Goalkeeping titan Oliver Kahn also used the principle of a powerful self-image when he decided in the early years of his career to leave mediocrity behind and be an exceptional athlete instead. Although he was aware that he still had a long way to go and a lot to learn, he had an image etched in his mind.

Although he was just earning his first spurs as a young man at Karlsruher SC, he already saw himself in his mind's eye as the best goalkeeper in the world. And years later, this self-image manifested itself almost automatically in reality and ensured that Oliver Kahn became a role model throughout the world for willpower and the ability to never give up.

Self-image as the most important factor in personality development

But back to the question of who you are. And who you want to be. As you read these words, you already have a self-image that to a large extent reflects your Setting and thus influence your results in life. The crucial question is therefore not whether you have an identity, but whether you have consciously chosen it. The alternative would be that it came about by chance. If your self-image plays such an important role in change processes, then it is worth defining it consciously and with a view to the future. Always remember: you have to be someone first in order to be able to do something and then have something.

The beauty of this decision is that you are not subject to any restrictions or even limitations. Just ask yourself: „Who am I now and who do I want to be in two years“ time?" I know that this often takes a lot of courage. Because we can fool our environment, our colleagues and the world out there.

It's easy to slip into a role, even if we don't really like it. But we can't lie to the guy who looks at us in the mirror every morning in the long run. Because he regularly reminds us of what is important and what really counts. So give in to your bold dreams without restraint and let your vision work for you. Then formulate who you are and who you want to be. A successful entrepreneur, a loving wife, a famous, respected leader or even an inspiring musician. Anything is possible.

Which self-image do you choose?

„But Ilya,“ you might object, „it's different for me. I'm just a small employee who has a wife and children and has to pay his bills. There's no way I can be a composer of operas or the owner of a vegan restaurant.“ I have only one answer to this: you have no idea what potential lies dormant within you, just waiting to be brought to the surface. And you really can be and achieve anything in life.

As soon as you are ready to give up the conviction that you can't do it. And this sentence is really worth reading a second time. We'll pick it up again when we come to the four W's of change. It is important that you not only formulate your self-image verbally, but also imagine it as vividly and realistically as possible in your mind's eye. This is how your brain comes back into play. It makes no difference to your brain whether you are just imagining something or whether it is actually happening. But if you can't see it, you won't experience it.

The Gran Torino effect of personality development

Yes, I know what you're thinking: „Oh come on, Ilya, that's old hat and more of a metaphor without much practical value.“ Far from it, dear reader. Do you know the movie Gran Torino with Clint Eastwood? I can still remember the day I saw it in the movie theater. Long after the end, I was still impressed by the emotional story about the grumpy loner Walt Kowalski, who shows more and more of his warm side in the course of the plot and befriends an Asian neighbor boy.

And I'll never forget how all the guys in the theater (including me, by the way) howled like castle dogs when Walt Kowalski was shot shortly before the end, accompanied by the sad sounds of Jamie Cullum's theme song, thus saving his little friend and his family. Well, sometimes even I'm built close to the water. And now let's talk again about the possibilities of imagination. Every single person in the theater knew it was just a movie.

We were all aware that Clint Eastwood was not dead, but had been paid a fortune for his magnificent acting performance. Everyone knew that this scene was only in our imagination and that in reality it was just many individual pixels on a white screen. And yet our brains made the experience so real that we cried. And the same power lies in imagining your vision and your self-image.

Make a conscious decision about your self-image and identity

Make a conscious decision about the personality you want to be. And be absolutely honest with yourself. This is not about masks, external facades or fulfilling the expectations of others. Entire generations have lived unhappy lives just because their parents wanted them to become a lawyer, vet or tax consultant, even though they actually dreamed of being a painter, composer or restaurant owner.

The only thing that counts is your very individual core. Your uniqueness. The values that are important to you and that guarantee you a high level of life satisfaction. And then you make a decision. Who do you want to be? And what should your own identity look like in all its different facets? Dream big. Dream boldly. Choose your personality, dream of its successes and imagine them as realistically as possible. The more detailed and attractive your inner images become, the easier it will be for the Gran Torino effect to take effect for you and turn today's imagination into tomorrow's daily reality.