Self-sabotage triggered by limiting beliefs probably prevents more people from achieving their personal goals and dreams than all other factors combined. What do I mean by that? It's quite simple. Perhaps you know this from friends, work colleagues or even from yourself. On a conscious level, you really want to achieve something, Achievements and turn their dreams into reality. But unconsciously, negative programming and beliefs ensure that consciously set plans are torpedoed, sabotaged and fought against.
In this blog article, we will look at the exact background and the solution to unconscious self-sabotage (I am talking about the ability to unlearn what we have learned). Let's start with a little journey back in time. Because that's where the origins lie.
Unconscious self-sabotage: the roots lie in childhood
May I make a confession? I was never a good student. I more or less muddled through from year 8 at the latest. And if I hadn't had some of my favorite subjects, my complete lack of interest in math, physics and chemistry would probably have broken my neck in terms of grades. But only today, many years and a great deal of life experience later, do I know why school and I never became best friends. It was because of the structure, the goals and the messages that were consciously or unconsciously drummed into me throughout my childhood.
Perhaps some of them sound familiar to you:
- Seat still
- Prepare well for the next exam
- Adapt
- Do your homework. Do not question
- Follow the teacher's instructions
- Learn by heart
- Don't write over the edge in your notebook
- Don't do more than necessary. Rules are more important than creativity
- Stay in the background
- The collective is more important than the individual
- Avoid risks
- Do what everyone does
- Put the daydreams out of your head
- Do what everyone does
- And last but not least, of course, the well-known classic Good grades are more important than understanding something.
The result? The school system has killed my creativity and spirit of discovery. And because the methods from the 1980s are still in place today, millions of children are real experts at memorizing and passing exams, but have virtually no problem-solving skills.
Of course, this is not the teachers„ fault, because many teachers are super committed and really great. Unfortunately, they have to struggle with exactly the same obstacles, because the institution of school doesn't like creative teachers. Instead, it likes rigid curricula. Fixed structures. And no deviation from the norm under any circumstances. The status quo of the education system then leads to a situation where the only skill our children master perfectly after graduation is “being good at school".
But what is the relevance of memorizing facts that could be googled within a few seconds? How important is it to regurgitate answers that the teachers asking the questions already know? That's right, completely different skills are required in real life. Neither Astrid Lindgren, Elon Musk, Arianna Huffington or any other extraordinary personality owes their success to a school education. We are no longer living in an industrialized society where schools were supposed to produce conformist workers who would then work diligently and reliably on the assembly lines of factories. Unfortunately, being good at school is just as irrelevant when it comes to setting up a start-up, running a company or developing future-oriented ideas as if you were an absolute expert at bowling.
Messages of failure and programming get stuck in the subconscious
Things aren't getting any better in university either. The topics and content may be more complex, but it is still primarily about memorizing exam-relevant information. The practical application of knowledge in different contexts, on the other hand, plays virtually no role. It was a defining moment in my life when, as a newly qualified business graduate my career as a department store manager at Karstadt started. Werner Zeller, the head of department who was supposed to train me, greeted me straight away: „Grzeskowitz, it's nice that you studied. But no one is interested in that in real life. In practice, completely different skills are required. It's best to unlearn everything you learned at university as quickly as possible.“
Rumms. The announcement hit home. But it led to me adopting a new perspective. Because I realized that the imprints, messages and suggestions of the education system would only get in the way of my future. And before I knew it, I was facing what was probably the most difficult Shift of my life so far. I had to learn to unlearn everything I had grown up with. What had been drilled into me at school for years. I had to discard the messages from the past and redefine who I wanted to be. What I believe in. And which Mindset should drive me. There is a direct connection between the results in our lives and our current mindset, which you can imagine as follows.
The mindset as a determining factor in thinking and behavior
However the Mindset you are currently going through life with, it is the unique combination of your Identity, your most important Values and your deepest convictions. This special mix not only determines your general world view, but also your skills, your behavior, your decision-making strategies and, at the end of the day, your results. Or to put it in a nutshell:
Your behavior is always a direct reflection of your mindset.
No matter how much you want to be a successful entrepreneur on an intellectual level, achieve financial freedom or finally find your partner for life. If your mindset is based on an identity that is contrary to these dreams and the associated beliefs, then you will do everything you can to ensure that reality aligns with your convictions. This is due to a universal correlation when it comes to change in life.
The more a behavior attacks our current mindset, the more we will unconsciously do everything we can to postpone or even completely prevent this behavior.
Please note that this process takes place completely unconsciously, even if you are rationally guided by your Targets are convinced. Nevertheless, people are true artists at unconsciously sabotaging all these consciously expressed intentions in order to preserve their own identity and the convictions that go with it.
Limiting beliefs as the origin of unconscious self-sabotage
Instead of beliefs, you can also say convictions or beliefs. This refers to the supposed facts and connections that you believe to be true, as well as the general principles of how life works, what is possible or who you are or could be as a person. Would you like a few examples? Here is an incomplete selection of a few classics:
- Cobbler stick to your last
- I am not good enough
- Money corrupts character
- Rather expect the worst, then you won't be disappointed
- First the work, then the pleasure
- Life is no walk in the park
- Humanity is getting worse and worse
- I magically attract failure
- It's not that easy
- To be successful, you have to extend your elbows
- I am to blame for everything
- I don't have the time for that
- That may work for others, but it's different for me
- Or my absolute favorite: change has to be hard for it to work.
I'm sure you're thinking of other examples as you read this, aren't you? Then let's move on to what is probably the most important characteristic of beliefs. They don't just appear out of nowhere and are suddenly there. Quite the opposite.
Beliefs always come from outside. We adopt them from other people.
Do you know a baby who was born racist? Do you know a little boy who goes through life with discriminatory prejudices? Or a girl who ostracizes her foreign friend in kindergarten because she is convinced that she will take her job away later on? You see, I don't either. We only learn all our beliefs (both positive and negative) over time from important people in our social environment. Whether we like it or not, we adopt the world view of our parents, relatives and later our teachers. At first, these beliefs are still very small and fragile. But the more we see them confirmed, the more they become entrenched. Until at some point they are deeply anchored in our subconscious, where they reliably unfold their effect.
Beliefs as a central pillar of the mindset
By the time we are teenagers at the latest, we have developed a mindset that serves as a compass for our lives. We have learned what is good and what is bad. What to do and what not to do. What place fate has assigned us and what our future will look like. And since the mass of messages we have been bombarded with has tended to be negative, the mass of our beliefs is correspondingly limiting. The result: despite our best intentions, we sabotage ourselves and struggle with the constant feeling that we are running into a glass wall. Because our behavior is always a reflection of our mindset. And what is even more insidious is that we are completely unaware of all this.
„Okay Ilja, if my mindset automatically influences my abilities, my behavior and my decisions, then all I have to do is change my mindset in a positive way and my subconscious programs will automatically lead me closer to my goals and dreams, right?“ I'm glad you asked. My answer comes in Radio Yerevan style (based on the jokes that were very popular in my youth) and is: In principle, yes, because the big challenge is actually lurking in the inconspicuous word. It doesn't work at the snap of a finger and takes a certain amount of time. As you can see in the illustration, the only way to permanently change your mindset through your thoughts, decisions and behavior is through conscious learning.
Learning to unlearn: one of the most important skills of the future
The basic process of learning how to unlearn something is surprisingly simple. It involves identifying a limiting pattern and bringing it from the subconscious to the conscious surface. There we can then replace it with a beneficial alternative and turn it back into an unconscious automatism that then does its positive work for us. Sounds simple at first, doesn't it? And it is. However, as is so often the case, the word simple means, above all, not complicated and not easy. Because unconscious patterns can be extremely stubborn and it takes a great deal of discipline, commitment and perseverance to transform a negative habit into a positive one.
Of course, I know that these values don't sound particularly sexy in times when everyone just wants to live in the moment and have all their needs met immediately. But not only is it worthwhile, it can also be a lot of fun. If you look at the illustration, you can see the 4-step process at a glance.
Before we look at the individual stages, it is important that we take another detailed look at the principle of unconscious automatisms. They always work in the same way. Imagine that you are writing a computer program based on the following algorithm: Whenever X happens, respond with Y. A classic stimulus-response scheme. In the context of human behavior, X is a certain trigger that evokes an emotional response, reminds us of a certain experience or triggers a state. Images, words, sounds, smells, tastes or tones can serve as triggers. If such a trigger is activated, our subconscious automatically rewinds the learned program. Here are some specific examples:
- You smell the aroma of fresh cake and immediately remember a wonderful situation from your childhood
- Your partner reacts to a suggestion with a typical facial expression and you automatically feel insecure
- You listen to your favorite song in the car and are motivated as if by magic
- You look at your overflowing email inbox and immediately start distracting yourself with pointless social media surfing
- Your boss uses a certain tone of voice and you feel insecure
- Before a presentation, you look into the faces of your audience and your heart starts to beat faster
- You're driving down the highway hungry and spot the glowing M of a large fast food chain. Although you want to eat healthily, you pull off at the exit and order a double cheeseburger with fries and a milkshake (you know, I got this example from a friend)
Overcoming unconscious self-sabotage: The 4-step process
In each of these examples, the respective trigger ensures that an automatic program is unwound. Your subconscious doesn't care whether it's something positive or negative. Only one thing is important: when X happens, it reacts with Y. This leads to a crucial insight. If we are dissatisfied with Y, then we have to start with X.
Overcoming unconscious self-sabotage Level 1: Awareness
Your subconscious runs at full speed every day. You think, decide and act. The problem is that the whole process is so automated that it has become so normal for you that you no longer even notice it. The aim of this step is to cut through this unconscious loop and bring unconscious patterns to the conscious surface. To do this, go through life with a high degree of mindfulness.
Be aware of which triggers trigger which behavior in you. Which thoughts you think in which situations. Which strategy your Decisions determined. And which patterns you can recognize in your behaviour. At first, this will seem like an almost impossible task. No wonder, because where your everyday life was on autopilot not long ago, you are now taking the wheel into your own hands. But mindfulness can also be trained. And the more consciously you become of the many processes that were previously completely unconscious, the easier step two will be for you.
Overcoming unconscious self-sabotage Level 2: Unlearning
The more mindfully you go through life, the more unconscious patterns you will notice that are limiting rather than beneficial for you. Now choose one of these patterns that you would like to change. Pay close attention to the strategies behind the behavior for a few days. How exactly does the pattern work? What exactly do you do and in what order do you do it? Which senses are involved? And most importantly: What trigger sets off the behavior? The aim is to interrupt the learned program „If X happens, then react with Y“ as consciously as possible and reprogram it in the next step.
Overcoming unconscious self-sabotage Level 3: Learning
Now it's time to make a decision. Which alternative behavior would you like to establish as an unconscious automatism instead of the old one? Unfortunately, it is not enough to simply say goodbye to a negative habit. Without a positive alternative, this attempt is doomed to failure. Why? Because once the behavior has been banished, a vacuum is created. Whenever trigger X is triggered, the „program“ desperately searches for the usual reaction Y.
If you do not offer an alternative at this point, people will revert to their old behavior after a short time. It is not enough just to decide that you no longer want to eat fast food, for example, you also need the corresponding new choice. The algorithm could then look like this: „Whenever I see the glowing M on the highway, I take a deep breath, drink a sip of water and enjoy a protein bar.“
Overcoming unconscious self-sabotage Level 4: Habit
The final step is to turn the chosen change into a new - and beneficial - automatism. The more consciously you associate the trigger with the new behavior, the more successful the transformation will be. As James Clear describes in his bestseller Atomic Habits, it takes an average of 66 days to establish a new habit. So why not start a project that takes just as long? Two factors are important here. Firstly, consciously incorporating the new behavior into your everyday life. And secondly, regularity. Because the more often the new program is repeated, the more likely it is to sink back into your subconscious and from then on achieve its positive effect as an automatism.
Unconscious self-sabotage: examples from everyday life
In this way, you have a wonderful method at hand to unlearn limiting patterns, establish new habits and thus gradually overcome your unconscious self-sabotage. Do you still need some inspiration as to which areas are worth learning how to unlearn unconscious automatisms? Here we go:
- Limiting beliefs
- Poor decision-making strategies
- Negative thought patterns
- Unnecessary assumptions
- Impulsive behavior
- Emotional reactions
- Unfounded prejudices
- The tendency to look for excuses as to why something doesn't work
- The focus on problems
- Excessive doubting
- The tendency to justify oneself
- The urge for perfectionism
- The stories you tell yourself every day
I wish you joy and success in discovering and breaking through your unconscious self-sabotage. But make sure that you don't want too much at once. Not only is automaticity more than enough at the moment, but you also increase the likelihood of lasting change.
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