Category: Personal development

Selbstwertgefühl stärken: Warum es bei deinen mentalen Etiketten beginnt

Posted on by IljaGee

Wenn du dein Selbstwertgefühl stärken willst, dann wirst du früher oder später auf eine Wahrheit stoßen, die auf den ersten Blick verblüffend simpel klingt, in ihrer Wirkung aber absolut revolutionär ist. Doch dazu komme ich gleich.

Ich sitze in der Lufthansa Lounge am Flughafen München. Weil die Geräuschkulisse enorm ist, habe ich mir meine AirPods eingestöpselt, damit ich mich auf das Schreiben dieses so wichtigen Artikels konzentrieren kann. Es läuft Man in the Mirror von Michael Jackson. Wie passend. Sofort muss ich an eines meiner Lieblingszitate denken, von dem bis heute nicht genau geklärt ist, von wem es nun tatsächlich stammt: „Wir sehen die Welt nicht, wie sie ist. Wir sehen sie, so wie wir sind.“ (Übrigens: Kennst Du schon die 50 besten Zitate für Veränderung im Leben?) Wie viel Wahrheit doch darin steckt, und zwar mehr, als auf den ersten Blick ersichtlich ist. Denn nicht nur dein Fokus wird zu einem großen Maße von deiner Identität bestimmt, sondern auch deine Gedanken, dein Verhalten und dein Selbstwert.

Und genau hier liegt der Schlüssel. Nicht in Affirmationen, die du morgens vor dem Spiegel aufsagst, nicht in teuren Statussymbolen, die dir ein gutes Gefühl geben sollen, und auch nicht in der Anzahl deiner Instagram-Follower. Die Quelle deines Selbstwertgefühls liegt tiefer. Viel tiefer.

Die Dymo-Maschine in deinem Kopf

Ich hatte einen echten Aha-Moment in dieser Sache, als ich während meines Studiums von einem meiner Freunde ein Dymo-Etikettiergerät zum Geburtstag geschenkt bekam. Nachdem ich mich in die Bedienung eingearbeitet hatte, war ich geradezu besessen davon, auf sämtliche Haushaltsgegenstände ein Etikett zu kleben. Auf Gewürzgläser, Videokassetten, Werkzeuge, Mixtapes, Notizbücher, Fotoalben, Schubladen, Ordner und alles andere, was sich einer bestimmten Kategorie zuordnen ließ. Erst viele Jahre später ist mir bewusst geworden, wie sehr auch unser Alltag von solchen Labels geprägt ist.

Ist dir schon mal aufgefallen, wie häufig und vor allem wie sorglos du deinen Mitmenschen und dir selbst gedanklich ein Etikett auf die Stirn klebst? Die meisten davon sind relativ harmlos: Juristin, BWLer, Apple User, Vegetarierin, HSV-Fan, Netflix-Junkie, Vielflieger oder Briefmarkensammlerin. Dabei spielt es keine Rolle, ob du dir dieses Label bewusst oder unbewusst gegeben hast, denn wann immer du dich über ein imaginäres Etikett auf deiner Stirn definierst, erschaffst du dir eine Identity. Und diese wird dann durch den Wahrnehmungsfilter namens Confirmation Bias immer gefestigter, da du ausschließlich Informationen aufnimmst, interpretierst und verarbeitest, die deine vorhandenen Beliefs, Values und deine Identität bestätigen.

Das führt dann natürlich dazu, dass du deine selbst gewählten Etiketten in Konfliktsituationen unbewusst und impulsiv verteidigst, wobei in diesen Momenten so gut wie alle logischen und rationalen Aspekte einer Diskussion über Bord geworfen werden. Kommt dir das bekannt vor, oder?

Die Spirale der Selbstwertprobleme

Noch tückischer wird es, wenn du aus bestimmten Tätigkeiten identitätsstiftende Etiketten entwickelst. Hast du schon mal jemanden als schusselig, untalentiert, trottelig, unsportlich, vergesslich, unkreativ oder technisch unbegabt definiert? Ja? Möglicherweise sogar dich selbst? In diesen Momenten sollten bei dir sämtliche Alarmglocken in voller Lautstärke schrillen, denn was unbewusst geschieht, hat ziemlich fiese und vor allem dauerhafte Auswirkungen.

Eine veränderbare Tätigkeit, also „ich verliere mich öfter in Tagträumen“ oder „ich vergesse manchmal meinen Schlüssel“, wird mit zunehmender Wiederholung irgendwann zu einem unverrückbaren Etikett verallgemeinert: „ich bin ein Träumer“, „ich bin vergesslich“, „ich bin XYZ“, und schließt damit jede mögliche Shift aus. Noch gefährlicher ist dies, wenn diese limitierenden Generalisierungen auf bereits wirkende Mindviren treffen, denn dieser negative Selbstsabotage-Cocktail führt zwangsläufig zu destruktiven Selbstbildern, die immer mit denselben zwei Wörtern beginnen:

Ich bin.

Ich bin ein Verlierer. Ich bin nicht gut genug. Ich bin ein Versager. Ich bin ein schlechter Vater, Verkäufer, Lehrer, Chef, Zuhörer. Ich bin es nicht wert.

Weil diese Art von limitierenden Ich-bin-Selbstbildern so unfassbar leicht entsteht, lohnt es sich, ganz bewusst darauf zu achten, welche Etiketten du dir und den Menschen um dich herum verpasst. Denn je gefestigter eine auf negativen Labels aufbauende Identität wird, desto schneller beginnt sich die Spirale der Selbstwertprobleme zu drehen.

Was glaubst du, was passiert, wenn du tief und unbewusst davon überzeugt bist, dass du es nicht wert bist, Erfolg zu haben, Liebe zu empfangen oder respektvoll behandelt zu werden? Permanente Selbstzweifel, geringes Selbstvertrauen, Schwierigkeiten klare Grenzen zu setzen, ein negativer innerer Dialog, der Versuch den geringen internen Selbstwert mit externen Faktoren zu kompensieren, das sind nur einige der Auswirkungen, die dir sicher nicht vollständig fremd sind. Habe ich recht?

Ich weiß, dass es schwer ist, dir einzugestehen, dass auch du davon in irgendeiner Form betroffen bist. Aber je eher du es akzeptierst, desto besser, denn erstens sind wir alle in den unterschiedlichsten Ausprägungen davon betroffen, und zweitens ist der ehrliche Blick in den Spiegel immer die notwendige Voraussetzung, wenn du dein Self-image positiv transformieren willst.

Ein Satz wie Dynamit

Lass mich dir daher einen Gedanken mitgeben, den ich dir am liebsten in leuchtender Schrift als Poster an die Wand hängen würde, weil deine Zufriedenheit im Leben entscheidend davon abhängt, wie tief du ihn durchdringst:

Wann immer eine Idee deine Identität angreift, wirst du alles dafür tun, sie zu ignorieren, zu verdrängen oder mit aller Macht zu bekämpfen.

Ein Satz wie Dynamit. Denn wenn du ihn zu Ende denkst, dann bedeutet es, dass Changes, die sich rein auf der Ebene des Verhaltens abspielen, von Anfang an zum Scheitern verurteilt sind. Deswegen wirst du dein Selbstwertgefühl auch niemals dadurch stärken können, indem du dir teure Statussymbole kaufst, tausende Instagram-Follower anhäufst, immer mehr Geld ansammelst oder einen bestimmten Körper antrainierst, solange deine Identität auf dem Selbstbild „Ich bin es nicht wert“ basiert, wirst du dieses unbewusst mit aller Macht verteidigen und Wege finden, eventuelle Erfolge zuverlässig zu sabotieren.

Ein Beispiel: Millionen von Rauchern probieren alles Erdenkliche, um von ihrem Laster loszukommen. Nikotinpflaster, Willenskraft, teure Ersatzprodukte, versteckte Schachteln. Das mag kurzfristig funktionieren, aber solange das Etikett „Ich bin Raucher“ in Kombination mit entsprechenden Mindviren bestehen bleibt, kommt es schnell zum Rückfall. Erst wenn sich das Selbstbild von „Ich bin Raucher“ zu „Ich bin Nichtraucher“ verändert, passen sich auch die entsprechenden Verhaltensweisen dauerhaft an. Du merkst, worauf ich hinauswill, oder?

Selbstwertgefühl stärken: So geht es wirklich

Und genau an dieser Stelle liegt die gute Nachricht, denn was in die eine Richtung wirkt, wirkt natürlich auch in die andere. Hier kommt daher eine weitere große Idee:

Nachhaltige Veränderung beginnt immer mit einer bewussten Definition deiner Identität.

Bevor du also auch nur in Betracht ziehst, über eine Veränderung deiner Verhaltensweisen nachzudenken, ist es notwendig, mit dem Fundament deiner Persönlichkeit zu beginnen. Schau dir deine großen Träume an, und stell dir dann folgende Frage:

Welche Person muss ich werden, um meine Ziele zu erreichen?

Viel wichtiger als das, was du tun wirst, ist nämlich die bewusste Definition, wer du sein möchtest.

Schmeiß also deine mentale Dymo-Maschine an, und gib dir Etiketten, die förderlich für dich sind und dein Selbstwertgefühl auf ein neues Level bringen. Wenn nämlich deine Identität erst einmal steht, dann folgen im nächsten Schritt die förderlichen Beliefs von allein, was langfristig dazu führt, dass dein gesamtes Verhalten unbewusst darauf ausgerichtet wird, dein Selbstbild aufrechtzuerhalten.

  • Du träumst von einem eigenen Unternehmen? Dann lautet dein Etikett: „Ich bin ein erfolgreicher Entrepreneur.“
  • Du willst endlich in Form kommen? Dann ist „Ich bin ein Athlet“ oder „Ich bin ein Marathonläufer“ dein neues Selbstbild.
  • Du suchst den Partner fürs Leben? Wie wäre es mit „Ich bin ein liebenswerter Mensch“ oder „Ich bin ein Traumpartner“
  • Und wenn du schlicht ein glücklicheres und selbstbestimmteres Leben führen willst, beginne hier: „Ich bin gut genug.“ „Ich bin ein wertvoller Mensch.“ „Ich bin ein Glückskind, das den Erfolg magisch anzieht.“

Sobald sich diese Etiketten zu einer festen Identität in deinem unbewussten Mind verankert haben, wird sich dein Verhalten ganz automatisch dem Bild anpassen, das du von dir selbst hast, und der Confirmation Bias wird dir dabei helfen, dass sich das neue Etikett immer mehr verfestigt und schlussendlich zu einer eindeutigen Identität wird, an der sich all dein Denken und Handeln ausrichtet.

Die kraftvollste Frage für dein Selbstwertgefühl

Und damit du dein neues Selbstbild bereits heute aktiv nutzen kannst, möchte ich dir noch eine Frage mitgeben, die alles verändert, wenn du sie konsequent anwendest:

Wie würde die Person, die ich einmal werden möchte, sich in dieser Situation verhalten?

Stell dir diese Frage so oft es geht, und lass dich von den entsprechenden Antworten leiten. Selbst wenn dir noch bestimmte Fähigkeiten oder das notwendige Wissen fehlen sollten, alleine die Tatsache, dass du die Ansprüche und Standards deines Zukunfts-Ichs übernommen hast, wird zu einem Quantensprung in deinen Ergebnissen führen. Denn du musst nicht warten, bis du eine bestimmte Person geworden bist, um dich wie diese Person zu verhalten. Du kannst heute damit beginnen. In dieser Sekunde.

Das ist der Kern von allem, was es bedeutet, das eigene Selbstwertgefühl wirklich und nachhaltig zu stärken, nicht von außen nach innen, sondern von innen nach außen.

Die Person im Spiegel

Die Kurzform dieser Idee verbirgt sich übrigens in dem Song, mit dem ich diesen Artikel begonnen habe. Der Text von Man in the Mirror von Michael Jackson erinnert uns auf eine emotionale Weise daran, dass es nur eine einzige Möglichkeit gibt, die Welt zu einem besseren Ort zu machen: indem du mit der Person im Spiegel beginnst, dir selbst in die Augen blickst und dann den Prozess startest, dich ab sofort als die Persönlichkeit zu betrachten, die du einmal werden möchtest.

Dein Bild von der Welt wird sich deinem Bild von dir selbst wie von selbst anpassen.

Und damit wäre eigentlich alles gesagt.

Selbstwertgefühl stärken: Die wichtigsten Ideen dieses Artikels

  • Deine Identität wird durch die vielen Etiketten gebildet, die du dir bewusst und unbewusst gibst.
  • Der Confirmation Bias sorgt dafür, dass deine Identität im Laufe der Zeit immer gefestigter wird.
  • Ein negatives Selbstbild in Kombination mit destruktiven Mindviren führt zu einer Spirale der Selbstwertprobleme.
  • Wann immer eine Idee deine Identität angreift, wirst du alles dafür tun, sie zu ignorieren, zu verdrängen oder mit aller Macht zu bekämpfen.
  • Nachhaltige Veränderung beginnt immer mit einer bewussten Definition deiner Identität.
  • Die kraftvollste Frage: Wie würde die Person, die ich einmal werden möchte, sich in dieser Situation verhalten?

Komfortzone verlassen – Warum du dir manchmal die Finger verbrennen musst

Posted on by IljaGee

Komfortzone verlassen. Leichter gesagt als getan, oder? Und je länger ich darüber nachdenke und je mehr Menschen ich in meinen Keynotes und Coaching-Programmen begleite, desto klarer wird mir, dass das Problem selten das fehlende Wissen ist. Das Problem ist die Lücke zwischen Wissen und Handeln. Doch dazu gleich mehr.

 

Als meine Tochter Elisabeth klein war, habe ich gebetsmühlenartig auf sie eingeredet, dass sie extrem vorsichtig sein müsse, wenn unser Kamin brannte. Die Glastür sah zwar harmlos aus, durch die starke Hitze hatte ich aber große Angst, dass sie sich verbrennen könnte. Da sie ein sehr vernünftiges Kind war, beruhigte mich ihr „Keine Sorge, Papa, ich passe auf“ sofort. Bis ich eines Abends in meinem Büro saß und einen gleichsam lauten wie herzzerreißenden Schrei vernahm. Mit schmerzverzerrtem Gesicht und einer verbrannten Hand kam mir Elisabeth heulend entgegen, denn entgegen aller Beteuerungen hatte sie natürlich doch den heißen Kamin berührt. Nachdem wir ihre Hand gekühlt hatten, fragte ich neugierig nach: „Aber du hattest doch hoch und heilig versprochen, aufzupassen?“ Worauf sie mir schluchzend antwortete: „Aber ich musste doch überprüfen, ob der Kamin wirklich so heiß ist, wie du gesagt hast.“

Was für ein wunderbar schlaues Kind, auch wenn sie mit Aktionen wie diesen für meine ersten grauen Haare gesorgt hat. Love you, meine Flitzpiepe.

Natürlich habe ich dir diese Geschichte aus einem bestimmten Grund erzählt. Denn Elisabeth hat in diesem Moment etwas intuitiv begriffen, wofür die meisten Erwachsenen ein Leben brauchen. Nämlich das hier:

Veränderung kann man nicht denken. Man muss sie machen.

Komfortzone verlassen: Das große Dilemma

Wenn ich in meinen Keynotes frage, wer von den Anwesenden seine Comfort zone regelmäßig verlässt, dann gehen fast alle Hände hoch, und wenn ich dann nachfrage, was sich in den letzten zwölf Monaten wirklich Grundlegendes in ihrem Leben verändert hat, dann wird es auf einmal sehr, sehr still im Raum. Habe ich recht?

Dabei ist das Konzept eigentlich keine Geheimwissenschaft. Du weißt, dass wahres Leben und außergewöhnliche Erfolge immer außerhalb der Komfortzone passieren, und du weißt, dass Wachstum ein menschliches Grundbedürfnis ist, das die Grundlage für ein von Sense, Zufriedenheit und Erfüllung geprägtes Leben bildet. Und trotzdem fällt es den meisten so schwer, ihre Komfortzone tatsächlich zu verlassen. Stattdessen richten sie sich im Laufe der Zeit ihren eigenen goldenen Käfig ein und statten diesen mit immer mehr gemütlichen Accessoires aus, bis die Sicherheit des Bekannten so verlockend ist, dass der Gedanke an Shift sich anfühlt wie der erste Schritt ins Eiswasser.

 

Man sitzt dann da und träumt von einem aufregenden Leben, von Visionen aus der Kindheit und in einem besonders mutigen Moment auch davon, einmal wirklich etwas zu wagen. Doch da die Unsicherheit zu groß ist, wird dieser Gedanke meist schnell wieder verdrängt und die eigene Komfortzone noch bequemer eingerichtet. Kommt dir das bekannt vor, oder?

Und nur, damit wir uns richtig verstehen: Das liegt nicht an mangelndem Willen und schon gar nicht daran, dass du die falsche Person für große Dinge wärst. Vielmehr liegt es an unbewussten Programmierungen, also tief verankerten Mindviren wie „Das ist zu riskant“, „Ich bin noch nicht bereit“ oder „Wer weiß, ob das überhaupt klappt“, die still und leise im Hintergrund laufen und dich immer dann zurückhalten, wenn du kurz davor bist, etwas wirklich Neues auszuprobieren.

Doch so wie Elisabeth an jenem Abend begriffen hat, dass sie die Wahrheit über den Kamin nur durch direkte Erfahrung entdecken konnte, so wirst auch du die Kraft der Freedom niemals entfesseln, wenn du sie nur aus der sicheren Distanz deiner Komfortzone heraus bewunderst.

The 4-zone model of change

Sobald du es wagst, deine Komfortzone zu verlassen, bewegst du dich durch einen Prozess, der dich durch vier verschiedene Bereiche führt und dich am Ende mit persönlichem Wachstum reich beschenkt, und je besser du verstehst, was in jeder dieser Zonen passiert, desto eher wirst du in der Lage sein, die kritischen Momente zu erkennen und vor allem: nicht umzukehren.

Komfortzone Verlassen - Das 4 Zonen Modell

Die Komfortzone kennst du: hier ist alles bekannt, gewohnt und vor allem sehr bequem, du tust das, was du immer tust, vermeidest jegliche Risiken und hast zu jeder Zeit alles im Griff, während Routinen und Standardabläufe deinen Alltag prägen und die meisten Verhaltensweisen auf Autopilot laufen. Das große Problem dabei ist allerdings, dass in der Komfortzone kein Wachstum stattfindet, weil du ausschließlich auf bewährte Methoden zurückgreifst und das Außergewöhnliche damit buchstäblich außerhalb deiner Reichweite bleibt.

Jenseits davon lauert die Angstzone auf dich, und das ist der Ort, an dem die meisten Menschen reflexartig umkehren, weil das Unbekannte dein inneres Alarmsystem aktiviert und dich mit aller Macht zur Rückkehr bewegt. Zweifel setzen ein, Ausreden tauchen auf, eine hartnäckige innere Stimme erinnert dich permanent daran, wie unsicher das alles doch ist, und das Bedürfnis nach vermeintlicher Sicherheit wird so laut, dass es alles andere übertönt. Deine wichtigste Aufgabe ist es daher, den Versuchungen dieses Widerstands zu widerstehen und stattdessen bewusst den Weg der kleinen Schritte zu gehen, die Unsicherheit zu umarmen und in persönliches Wachstum zu transformieren.

Sobald die ersten Erfolgserlebnisse einsetzen, befindest du dich in der Lernzone, wo zwar noch vieles neu und ungewohnt ist, aber deine Neugier mittlerweile die Angst zu überwiegen beginnt, sodass du dir sukzessive neues Wissen, neue Fähigkeiten und neue Überzeugungen aneignest, während dein Selbstvertrauen fast schon automatisch wächst. Und dann, irgendwann, erreichst du die Wachstumszone, den Ort, wo Veränderung dann am meisten Spaß macht, wenn sie mit Purpose, tiefer Erfüllung und echtem Herzblut einhergeht, und wo du dir Dinge zutraust, von denen du früher noch nicht einmal zu träumen gewagt hättest.

Aber noch etwas Wichtiges geschieht, sobald du einen Großteil deiner Zeit in der Wachstumszone verbringst: Fast wie von selbst verschieben sich die Grenzen aller vier Zonen, sodass das, was vor einiger Zeit noch vollkommen undenkbar erschien, mittlerweile zur gelebten Realität geworden ist, und viele Situationen, die dich früher noch mit zitternden Knien erfüllt hätten, sind für dich mittlerweile zu einer perfekten Gelegenheit geworden, als Mensch zu wachsen. Und je mehr du wächst, desto größer wird das Ausmaß an Freiheit, Sinn und Zufriedenheit in sämtlichen Lebensbereichen.

Deine Lebensqualität hängt von dem Ausmaß an Wachstum ab, mit dem du dauerhaft komfortabel leben kannst. Vergiss das nie. 

Denn das ist die Grundlage dafür, dass du deine Komfortzone nicht nur einmalig verlässt, sondern es zu einer echten Lebenshaltung machst

Das letzte eine Prozent

Doch damit kommen wir zur eigentlich entscheidenden Frage, nämlich der, was all die Change Leader dieser Welt von der großen Masse unterscheidet, die trotz aller guten Vorsätze immer wieder in die Bequemlichkeit des Status quo zurückfällt.

Neben einer klaren Vision und dem Willen zur Shift nutzen sie eine geheime Zutat, die selbst die schwersten Dinge von außen spielerisch leicht aussehen lässt und am Ende immer den Unterschied macht, zwischen gut und sehr gut, zwischen sehr gut und herausragend und in ihrer vollen Ausprägung zwischen herausragend und absoluter Weltspitze. Es ist der Grund, warum Michael Jordan der wahrscheinlich größte Basketballer aller Zeiten war, warum Brandon Sanderson mehr epische Bücher in einem einzigen Jahr schreibt als manche Autoren in ihrem ganzen Leben, und warum die Rolling Stones auch im jugendlichen Alter von über 80 Jahren noch voller Herzblut die Bühnen dieser Welt rocken. Diese geheime Zutat lautet:

Das letzte eine Prozent.

Du kannst die volle Kraft deines Potenzials nämlich nur dann entfesseln, wenn du bereit bist, Rückschläge in Kauf zu nehmen, Hindernisse zu überwinden und den Preis der Veränderung zu zahlen. Denn immer dann, wenn du kurz vor dem Aufgeben bist, tritt diese nette innere Stimme in den Vordergrund und säuselt dir ins Ohr: „Ach komm schon, lass es lieber bleiben. Siehst du nicht, wie schwer die Bedingungen sind? Auf eine Ausnahme kommt es doch wirklich nicht an. Morgen ist auch noch ein Tag.“

Und weil das so verdammt logisch klingt, machst du tatsächlich eine Ausnahme. Und öffnest damit die Büchse der Pandora, denn aus einer Ausnahme werden schnell zwei, aus zwei werden drei, bis der Schlendrian komplett Einzug gehalten hat und du dich fragst, wie du vom Ort, an dem du sein wolltest, so weit entfernt gekommen bist. Lass es mich daher so deutlich formulieren, wie ich kann: Wer seine Komfortzone verlassen will, muss aufhören, auf den richtigen Zeitpunkt zu warten, und anfangen, konsequent zu handeln. Auch wenn es niemand sieht. Auch wenn es nicht sofort klappt. Auch wenn du die einzige Person bist, die noch an die Sache glaubt.

Die 1-66-18-Anti-Prokrastinations-Formel

„Okay Ilja, das alles leuchtet mir ein. Aber wie übersetze ich das jetzt konkret in meinen Alltag?“ Gut, dass du fragst. Denn genau dafür möchte ich dir eine Formel mitgeben, die so simpel ist, dass du dich möglicherweise ein bisschen ärgerst, warum du nicht früher auf sie gestoßen bist. Ich nenne sie die 1-66-18-Anti-Prokrastinations-Formel, und die Zahlen stehen dabei für:

Eine Sache. Für 66 Tage. 18 Minuten am Tag.

Eine einzige Sache deshalb, weil du dadurch nicht nur ein eventuelles Verzetteln verhinderst, sondern gleichzeitig sämtliche Ressourcen wie Zeit, Energie und Fokus auf genau dieses eine Vorhaben bündelst, anstatt dich mit zu vielen gleichzeitigen Baustellen zu erschöpfen und am Ende nirgendwo zu einem echten Ergebnis zu kommen.

66 Tage deshalb, weil es im Durchschnitt genau so lange dauert, um eine neue Gewohnheit wirklich zu verankern, also nicht ein paar Tage durchhalten, sondern echte, nachhaltige Veränderung in Gang zu setzen.

Und 18 Minuten täglich deshalb, weil der Wissenschaftler Anders Ericsson in seinen Studien zur Expertise-Forschung herausgefunden hat, dass 100 Stunden im Jahr, also ungefähr 18 Minuten pro Tag, ausreichen, um in einem beliebigen Thema einen gigantischen Vorsprung vor 95 Prozent der Menschen in deinem Umfeld zu erreichen. Und wer nicht bereit ist, täglich 18 Minuten an der Umsetzung seiner Träume zu arbeiten, der hat es auch nicht besser verdient. Oder?

Außerhalb der Komfortzone geht die Post ab

Lass mich diesen Artikel mit einem Gedanken abschließen, der mich persönlich immer wieder antreibt, wenn die Bequemlichkeit des Status quo verlockender wirkt als der nächste mutige Schritt. Hast du dich schon einmal gefragt, was das Gegenteil von Erfolg ist? Wenn du jetzt spontan mit Scheitern geantwortet hast, dann möchte ich dich einladen, einmal die Perspektive zu wechseln, denn dies könnte falscher nicht sein.

Fehler zu machen, hinzufallen und noch einmal von vorne beginnen zu müssen, ist nicht nur ein wichtiger Teil, sondern sogar eine unabdingbare Voraussetzung für das Erreichen deiner Ziele und Träume, und wenn du gar keine Fehler machst, ist das immer ein großes Warnsignal, weil entweder dein Vorhaben nicht groß genug ist oder du dich noch immer in der Bequemlichkeit des Status quo befindest, ohne es zu bemerken.

Das Gegenteil von Erfolg ist das Mittelmaß, der Ausbau der Komfortzone und das Verharren in der selbstgebrauten Suppe der Beliebigkeit.

Außerhalb der Komfortzone geht die Post so richtig ab. An diesem für viele so unheimlichen Ort werden erfolgreiche Unternehmen gegründet, innovative Ideen entwickelt, sportliche Rekorde aufgestellt und gigantische Ziele erreicht, und all das nur, weil die handelnden Personen den Mut hatten, sich die Finger zu verbrennen und die vermeintliche Sicherheit des Status quo gegen die persönliche Freiheit einzutauschen.

Wer seine Komfortzone verlassen will, braucht kein perfektes Timing und keine idealen Bedingungen. Elisabeth hat das an einem Abend vor dem Kamin intuitiv kapiert. Wann ist dein Moment?

Komfortzone verlassen: Die wichtigsten Ideen dieses Artikels

  • Veränderung kann man nicht denken. Man muss sie machen.
  • Außerhalb der Komfortzone geht die Post so richtig ab.
  • Das 4-Zonen-Modell: Komfortzone, Angstzone, Lernzone, Wachstumszone. Die Grenzen verschieben sich mit jedem mutigen Schritt.
  • Das letzte eine Prozent ist die geheime Zutat aller Change Leader.
  • Die 1-66-18-Anti-Prokrastinations-Formel: Eine Sache, 66 Tage lang, 18 Minuten am Tag.
  • Das Gegenteil von Erfolg ist das Mittelmaß und das Verharren in der selbstgebrauten Suppe der Beliebigkeit.

Nein sagen lernen: Warum jedes Nein ein Ja zu dir selbst ist

Posted on by IljaGee

Nein sagen lernen ist gar nicht so schwer. Um das zu verstehen, möchte ich Dich daran erinnern, wie sehr unser Leben sich um Dinge dreht, von denen wir uns täglich einreden, wie wichtig sie doch wären.

Aber worum geht es denn wirklich? Um endlose Meetings im Büro, unzählige Überstunden, das Anhäufen von immer mehr Statussymbolen und die permanente Verfolgung der berühmten Schneller-Höher-Weiter-Philosophie? Nein, was wirklich wichtig ist, merken wir immer dann, wenn wir einen geliebten Menschen verlieren. Weil wir alle in diesen Momenten nur einen einzigen Gedanken in unserem Kopf haben: „Ich würde alles dafür geben, wenn ich nur fünf weitere Minuten mit dieser Person verbringen könnte.“ 

Das Merkwürdige ist, dass wir das eigentlich alle wissen. Und trotzdem leben wir weiter, als wäre die Zeit mit den Menschen, die uns wichtig sind, unbegrenzt vorhanden. Als wäre die Erschöpfung am Freitagabend ein unvermeidliches Naturgesetz und nicht das Ergebnis von hundert kleinen Entscheidungen, bei denen wir Ja gesagt haben, obwohl wir eigentlich Nein gemeint haben.

Jeder Tag zählt. Für das, was wirklich zählt.

Und genau dort beginnt das Thema dieses Artikels: beim Nein sagen lernen. Nicht als Lebensphilosophie für egozentrische Einzelgänger, sondern als eine der wichtigsten Freiheitsfähigkeiten, die du in deinem Leben entwickeln kannst. Denn jedes wichtige Nein, das du aussprichst, ist gleichzeitig ein Ja zu dir selbst.

Warum Nein sagen so schwer ist

Bevor wir darüber reden, wie Nein sagen lernen nun konkret funktioniert, sollten wir uns zunächst einmal anschauen, warum es so verdammt schwer ist. Die meisten Menschen würden antworten: „Weil ich andere nicht verletzen will“ oder „Weil ich keine Konflikte mag.“ Das stimmt natürlich, kratzt aber nur an der Oberfläche, denn das Problem liegt in der Regel wesentlich tiefer.

In der Regel handelt es sich nämlich fast immer um ein unbewusstes Selbstwertproblem, das sich in Form von Mindviren manifestiert, also einschränkenden Beliefs, die seit Jahren still und leise im Hintergrund laufen. Sätze wie: „Ich muss es allen recht machen.“ Oder: „Nur wenn es anderen gut geht, kann es auch mir gut gehen.“ Oder dieser Klassiker: „Wenn ich Nein sage, enttäusche ich andere.“ Diese Programme sind nicht logisch, sie sind nicht bewusst gewählt, und sie sind in den allermeisten Fällen auch nicht wahr. Aber sie bestimmen trotzdem dein Verhalten, weil sie tief genug verankert sind, um unter dem Radar deines bewussten Denkens zu laufen.

Die Folge kennst du: Du nimmst Aufgaben an, für die du eigentlich keine Kapazität hast. Du sagst Ja zu Terminen, auf die du keine Lust hast. Du lässt andere Menschen ihre Erwartungen, Goals und Agenden auf dich projizieren, und irgendwann läufst du mit einem Kalender durch die Welt, der so voll ist, dass du kaum noch weißt, welche Hälfte davon überhaupt du bist.

Nein sagen lernen bedeutet deshalb zunächst, diese Beliefs sichtbar zu machen. Nicht um sie zu bekämpfen, sondern um sie zu hinterfragen.

Der Zeigarnik-Effekt: Warum dein Gehirn nicht zur Ruhe kommt

Im Jahr 1927 reiste die russische Psychologin Blyuma Vulfovna Zeigarnik nach Berlin, um an der Humboldt-Universität zu forschen. Den Ausgangspunkt ihrer Studien bildete eine Beobachtung, die sie in einem überfüllten Berliner Café gemacht hatte. Der Kellner dort nahm Bestellung um Bestellung auf, ohne eine einzige davon aufzuschreiben, und lieferte alles fehlerlos aus. Als Zeigarnik ihn kurz nach dem Abräumen der Tische fragte, wer was bestellt hatte, konnte er sich an kaum noch etwas erinnern. Er behielt nur die Bestellungen im Gedächtnis, die noch offen waren.

Auf Basis dieser Beobachtung lud sie 164 Probanden zu einem Experiment ein und ließ sie basteln und zeichnen. Manche Aufgaben durften beendet werden, andere wurden mitten im Prozess unterbrochen. Das Ergebnis war eindeutig: Unerledigte Aufgaben wurden bis zu 90 Prozent besser erinnert als abgeschlossene, vollkommen unabhängig von Alter, Bildung oder Geschlecht.

Der Grund für dieses auch als Zeigarnik Effekt bekannte Phänomen ist, dass unser Gehirn für offene Aufgaben eine Art kognitive Spannung erzeugt, die so lange bestehen bleibt, bis die Aufgabe erledigt ist. Stell dir eine große Kommode in deinem Kopf vor. Jede neue Aufgabe, jedes offene Projekt, jede unerledigte Zusage öffnet eine Schublade. Und am Ende eines langen Tages stehen oft dutzende dieser Schubladen offen. Dein Gehirn läuft dadurch auf Hochtouren, kommt schlecht zur Ruhe und lässt dich morgens schon erschöpft aufwachen, bevor der erste Kaffee fertig ist.

Verstehst du, was das bedeutet? Das Problem ist nicht, dass du zu wenig Disziplin hast oder zu schwach bist. Das Problem ist, dass du einfach zu viele offene Schubladen hast. Und die einzige Lösung dafür ist konsequentes Nein sagen lernen: gegenüber anderen, aber auch gegenüber dir selbst.

Die Not-to-do-Liste: Das mächtigste Tool gegen Überforderung

Die meisten Menschen kennen die To-do-Liste. Kaum jemand kennt ihre Zwillingsschwester: die Not-to-do-Liste. Und dabei ist sie das wirkungsvollste Werkzeug, das ich kenne, wenn es darum geht, wieder Klarheit und Luft in den eigenen Alltag zu bekommen.

Das Konzept ist so simpel wie radikal. Du nimmst dir einen halben Tag Zeit, idealerweise einen ruhigen Samstag oder einen freien Morgen, und sammelst alles, was aktuell auf deiner mentalen Festplatte läuft: Ziele, Projekte, Ideen, Aufgaben, Erwartungen, Habits. Dann gehst du diese Liste durch und fragst dich bei jedem einzelnen Punkt ganz ehrlich: „Zahlt das wirklich auf das ein, was mir wirklich wichtig ist? Oder bin ich hier aus Gewohnheit, aus Pflichtgefühl oder aus schlichter Unfähigkeit, Nein zu sagen?“

Alles, bei dem du auch nur den leisesten Zweifel spürst, wandert auf die Not-to-do-Liste. Bewusst und ohne schlechtes Gewissen. Das können Projekte sein, die du auf später verschiebst. Aufgaben, die du delegierst. Erwartungen, denen du nicht mehr entsprichst. Gewohnheiten, die dir Energie rauben, ohne dir etwas zurückzugeben. Und ja, manchmal auch Träume und Ziele, die du liebgewonnen hast, die aber gerade einfach nicht an der Reihe sind.

Steve Jobs brachte dieses Prinzip auf den Punkt mit einem Satz, der für mich zu den klügsten gehört, die je über persönliche Effektivität gesagt wurden: „Zu entscheiden, was du nicht tust, ist genauso wichtig wie zu entscheiden, was du tust.“

Was viele dabei vergessen: Loslassen bedeutet nicht, etwas loszuwerden. Manche Dinge kehren nach einigen Monaten oder Jahren von selbst zurück und zeigen dir, dass ihre Zeit jetzt gekommen ist. Andere lösen sich still auf und du merkst irgendwann, dass du ihnen gar nicht nachtrauern musstest. Und beides ist okay.

Nein sagen lernen: 4 Schritte, die wirklich funktionieren

Theorie ist schön, Praxis ist besser. Hier sind vier Ansätze, mit denen du das Nein sagen lernen konkret in deinen Alltag integrieren kannst.

Nein sagen lernen – Schritt 1: Prioritäten setzen

Du hast niemals zu wenig Zeit, sondern nur manchmal die falschen Prioritäten. Je mehr offene Aufgaben und Projekte gleichzeitig laufen, desto mehr verzettelst du dich. Die einfachste Gegenstrategie: Frage dich täglich, welche zwei oder drei Dinge den größten Hebel haben, und konzentriere deine Energie auf genau diese. Alles andere bekommt ein temporäres Nein.

Nein sagen lernen – Schritt 2: Radikaler Fokus statt Multitasking

Wenn du eine Aufgabe angehst, dann sei mit deiner vollen Aufmerksamkeit nur bei dieser. Klingt banal, ist aber in einer Welt voller Benachrichtigungen und ständiger Erreichbarkeit eine echte Fähigkeit. E-Mails beim Frühstücken beantworten, beim Spielen mit deinen Kindern noch schnell das Angebot fertigmachen, auf dem Weg zum Meeting durch Social Media scrollen: Das sind alles Momente, in denen du Ja sagst zu dem, was grad aufploppt, und gleichzeitig Nein sagst zu dem, was eigentlich zählt.

Nein sagen lernen – Schritt 3: Die 2-Minuten-Regel

Eine der wichtigsten Schubladen-Schließ-Strategien für den Alltag: Alles, was sich in zwei Minuten oder weniger erledigen lässt, erledigst du sofort. Nicht später, nicht „wenn ich Zeit habe“, sondern jetzt. So verhinderst du, dass kleine Aufgaben zu mentalen Dauerbrennern werden.

Nein sagen lernen – Schritt 4: Loslassen als aktive Entscheidung

Loslassen ist keine Niederlage. Es ist eine der klarsten Formen von Selbstführung, die du entwickeln kannst. Wenn du etwas bewusst auf die Not-to-do-Liste setzt, sagst du nicht „Das schaffe ich nie.“ Du sagst: „Jetzt ist nicht die Zeit dafür. Und das ist in Ordnung.“ Der Unterschied ist riesig.

Jedes Nein ist ein Ja zu dir selbst

Lass uns zum wichtigsten Gedanken zurückkehren, denn er ist es, der das ganze Thema zusammenhält. Wenn du Nein sagen lernst, geht es nicht darum, andere abzuweisen, unnahbar zu werden oder Hilfsbereitschaft aus deinem Leben zu streichen. Ganz im Gegenteil: Die Menschen, die am klarsten Nein sagen können, sind in der Regel auch diejenigen, die am verlässlichsten, am präsentesten und am echten sind, wenn sie Ja sagen.

Es geht vielmehr darum, den Erwartungen anderer einen Riegel vorzuschieben, an denen du dich so häufig orientierst, ohne es bewusst zu merken. Denn immer dann, wenn du Dinge tust, hinter denen du nicht wirklich stehst, entfernst du dich ein Stück weit von dir selbst. Und je häufiger das passiert, desto mehr führst du am Ende das Leben anderer Menschen, anstatt dein eigenes.

Selbstbestimmt zu entscheiden bedeutet dagegen, mit Klarheit, Energie und echtem Engagement durch den Tag zu gehen. Es bedeutet, Ja zu sagen zu Self-Care, zu deinen eigenen Bedürfnissen, zu deinen Values und zu den Dingen, die dir wirklich wichtig sind.

Und das beginnt immer mit einem einzigen mutigen Nein.

Häufig gestellte Fragen zum Nein sagen lernen

Warum fällt es so vielen Menschen schwer, Nein zu sagen?

Hinter der Schwierigkeit, Nein zu sagen, stecken in den meisten Fällen unbewusste Glaubenssätze rund um Selbstwert und Zugehörigkeit. Wer gelernt hat, dass der eigene Wert davon abhängt, für andere da zu sein und Erwartungen zu erfüllen, entwickelt eine tiefe Hemmung gegenüber allem, was als Ablehnung interpretiert werden könnte. Nein sagen lernen bedeutet deshalb, diese Grundüberzeugungen zu hinterfragen und schrittweise umzuprogrammieren.

 

Ist Nein sagen egoistisch?

Nein, und zwar aus einem sehr klaren Grund: Wer dauerhaft Ja sagt, obwohl er Nein meint, wird früher oder später erschöpft, resentful und unzuverlässig. Das ist das Gegenteil von hilfreich. Nein sagen ist dann egoistisch, wenn es aus Gleichgültigkeit gegenüber anderen geschieht. Wer es aber aus dem Wunsch heraus tut, präsent, verlässlich und authentisch zu bleiben, tut sich selbst und den anderen damit einen Gefallen.

 

Wie sage ich Nein, ohne die Beziehung zu gefährden?

Klar, wertschätzend und ohne ausufernde Erklärungen. Ein Nein braucht keine fünf Sätze Rechtfertigung, aber einen respektvollen Ton. „Das passt bei mir gerade nicht“ ist ein vollständiger Satz. Was Beziehungen wirklich gefährdet, ist nicht das Nein selbst, sondern das halbherzige Ja, das man nicht halten kann oder das man innerlich resentvoll trägt.

 

Was ist der erste Schritt, um Nein sagen zu lernen?

Fang klein an. Nicht mit dem schwierigsten Menschen in deinem Leben oder der größten Erwartung, sondern mit einem Moment, in dem du sonst reflexartig Ja gesagt hättest. Beobachte, was passiert. In den allermeisten Fällen wirst du feststellen: deutlich weniger als du befürchtet hast.

 

Was ist eine Not-to-do-Liste?

Eine Not-to-do-Liste ist das Gegenstück zur klassischen To-do-Liste. Anstatt aufzuschreiben, was du tun willst, notierst du bewusst, wozu du Nein sagst: Projekte, die du vorerst nicht verfolgst, Erwartungen, denen du nicht mehr entsprichst, Gewohnheiten, die dir Energie rauben. Das Ziel ist, kognitive Last zu reduzieren und Raum für das zu schaffen, was dir wirklich wichtig ist.

40 life lessons I wish I had known at 40

Posted on by Mariana-A

I recently cracked the magical 50 mark and am now at least halfway through my life (although, if you look at some Futurologists I could even have a little more time). Thinking about my own mortality made me realize how many perspectives have changed for me in the last decade.

Only in the last ten years have I really and fully understood that it's not about the long-accepted faster-higher-further, about pointless overtime in the office and the almost compulsive accumulation of irrelevant stuff, but that Meaningfulness, deep inner contentment and relationships with other people are the essence of a fulfilled life. I couldn't help but think of the philosopher Søren Kierkegaard, who once so aptly stated that life is lived forwards but understood backwards. The more I thought about my realization, the more I wished I had had it ten years earlier.

What is life really about?

But since complaining doesn't help, I remembered a sentence that has often been an important support in my life when I felt that I had missed a certain chance or a good opportunity: „The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago. The second best is today“. How true. It's never too late to make a difference.

So I grabbed my journal and let my thoughts run free. The result is my ultimate list of 40 life lessons I wish I had known when I was 40 years old. And speaking of wishing. It would be the absolute greatest thing for me if one or two of these ideas are also valuable for you, so that you start a similar process to mine and make the decision today to plant your very own tree of change.

40 life lessons I wish I had known at 40

  1. Life is short and can be over at any moment. The ultimate task is therefore to enjoy every single moment with intensity and gratitude.
  2. Money is not everything. But without money, everything is nothing.
  3. It's totally okay to lead a life that other people don't understand.
  4. The constant bombardment of atomized ideas, messages and narratives on the internet is the greatest danger to your brain. Conscious time-outs and the use of analog media are therefore the greatest gift I can give myself.
  5. In every single interaction, we influence the people around us. And I have the choice as to whether this happens in a positive or negative way.
  6. Happiness plays an important role. Sometimes we just have to meet the right people in the right place at the right time. But the more often we take risks, the more often we invite luck to drop by.
  7. The best gifts in life often come in the worst packaging.
  8. Restful sleep, a healthy diet and regular exercise are not „nice to have„, but essential.
  9. An evening together with my children brings me so much more fulfillment and happiness than all the parties, events and trendy gatherings ever could.
  10. I have at least three choices in every situation. And sometimes it takes me quite a while to recognize them.
  11. The best time for a Shift is always today, no matter how small the first step may be.
  12. If something sounds too good to be true, then it never is.
  13. You can never demand respect. I have to work for it.
  14. To achieve financial serenity, you should always have enough savings set aside to bridge six to twelve months without any income.
  15. Staying true to myself and living according to my blueprint of freedom is much more important than the need to be liked by other people.
  16. Nowhere is there as much lying as on social media. The pictures, videos and posts rarely have anything to do with real life, in which we all have to deal with all kinds of problems.
  17. Humor is the most important quality of all. That's why I laugh a lot, often and especially at myself.
  18. Everything in life has its time. People, places and priorities.
  19. If resolving a conflict is really important to me, I don't wait for other people to take the initiative. I take the first step myself, make the call or seek a conversation.
  20. Nobody wins alone. Success in all areas of life stands and falls with the people who accompany me on my journey.
  21. Motivation is not the prerequisite for taking action, but the result of consistent implementation.
  22. Nothing makes you unhappier than repeatedly saying „yes“ when you actually mean „no“.
  23. Maturity, wisdom and a willingness for lifelong learning are not a question of age. I know flexible and innovative 70-year-olds as well as students who think they are „finished“ at 25 because they already know and can do everything.
  24. Every single person carries their own personal emotional rucksacks around with them, and we simply have no idea what valleys they are going through. We should therefore refrain from making hasty judgments about others.
  25. It is so incredibly important to say yes to my dreams. Because nothing, absolutely nothing is worse than that nagging feeling when you look back one day and regret not having dared to do something.
  26. One of the most important Habits, that I have acquired: Taking the stairs instead of the elevator every single time.
  27. It's super easy to lie to other people. But I can't fool the person who looks at me in the mirror every morning in the long run.
  28. I fight like a lion for my dreams. But never against myself.
  29. The more conscious breaks I allow myself, the more creative and productive I become.
  30. There is no white knight who will come riding in at some point to save us. If we are dissatisfied with something, then we have to change something.
  31. Just because I haven't yet found a solution to a problem doesn't mean that there isn't one.
  32. For important Decisions I always sleep on it for at least one night to take the intense emotions out of the game.
  33. The three big L's: Live. Love. Laugh.
  34. Persistence, discipline and commitment are important. But you also need the right talent to make it to the top in sport, music or any other area of life.
  35. I feel a huge sense of gratitude for the supposedly small things in life that we all too often take for granted.
  36. We are not all mind readers. It is therefore important that we keep reminding ourselves that other people can only fulfill our expectations if we communicate them clearly.
  37. The key to serenity: live and let live.
  38. If something feels really good, then it can't be that bad.
  39. The older I get, the more I trust my instincts and gut feeling. It has never let me down.
  40. 40 is not old!

Is there a particular sentence that resonates with you? And can you think of anything you would definitely add? Then I look forward to your comment.

An end to the self-optimization mania

Posted on by Mariana-A

Put an end to the self-optimization mania. I would like to shout this sentence every day to all those people who want nothing more than to be successful, financially free and generally happy in life. And at the same time - through unconscious programming driven - do everything they can to postpone or even actively sabotage their consciously set goals.

And just so we're clear, these are almost always positive personalities who have understood that change is as much a part of life as the air we breathe, and that a lack of mental growth inevitably leads to gloom, dissatisfaction and frustration. If you belong to this category, you often have to deal with a much bigger - and largely unnoticed - problem. I'm talking about the tendency to want to change too much.

Yes, you read that right. Even if Change management is a wonderful thing, it is important, as always in life, to find the right balance. Or as the physician Paracelsus put it back in the 15th century: „All things are poison, and nothing is without poison. Only the dose makes a thing not a poison.“

What is the self-optimization mania?

If you overdo it with the Changes, then this leads to a phenomenon known as self-optimization mania with a precision reminiscent of Swiss clockwork. By this I mean the unconsciously felt pressure to fight the status quo with all one's might. And this often leads to an almost compulsive urge for supposed improvement, new stimuli and a permanent restlessness.

The results of this state are even more dangerous than the well-known resistance to change. Driven by an inner dissatisfaction, you become your biggest critic, try out new ways at random and overdo it with the optimization of supposed weak points. Until the formerly positive approach turns into a self-reinforcing negative spiral characterized by fear, pressure and a tendency towards actionism. It doesn't matter whether something makes sense or not, the main thing is that something has changed.

But that is not enough. This process, which is both gradual and unconscious, inevitably leads to a lack of energy, permanent stress and excessive demands. And ultimately leads to you being much unhappier than all the vested interests, status quo defenders and those clinging to the past put together. And this despite doing everything on a conscious level to achieve the exact opposite.

Too much change causes stress and makes you unhappy

Various empirical studies (including. Stephan Grünwewald and Dr. Ernst von Kardorff) prove the negative effects of constant pressure to change on our psyche and general health, but common sense also suggests the same conclusion. Don't you know people who have simply overdone it with change over time? Who have optimized their behaviour, their communication, their beliefs, their work processes and their supposed weaknesses for so long that they no longer have any rough edges because they are completely polished? In their self-optimization mania, these people have not even noticed that they have long since passed the tipping point at which their originally positive changes have taken on a life of their own.

What do I mean by that? That fundamentally good qualities can become counterproductive or even destructive at a certain point. Let me give you some examples. Would you agree that love is a beautiful thing? Okay, that was a rhetorical question. But what happens when you overdo it, when you love obsessively? Then this actually positive quality eventually leads to obsession and burdensome clinginess. Desirable thriftiness turns into stinginess if it is constantly exaggerated. Skepticism becomes paranoia. And openness can easily tip over into arbitrariness at some point. I could go on and on, but I think it's clear what I'm getting at, isn't it?

The self-optimization mania in everyday life

To illustrate the tipping point in the context of change, let's look at the typical daily routine of a fictional person who wants nothing more than to lead a successful and happy life. To make it a little more vivid, let's call this person Hans-Uwe, who recently quit his well-paid job as an IT administrator in a large corporation to follow his passion and set up his own business. Hans-Uwe is not yet able to formulate exactly what his business model looks like, but he can tell that it is the business of his heart.

Driven by the popular messages on social media, the advice in books and the calendar sayings in relevant YouTube videos, Hans-Uwe has made it his mission not to leave his personal development to chance. That's why he gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning. Why is that? It's quite simple. Uwe is a member of the famous 5am Club.While others are still asleep, Uwe is already working on the topic Personal development. Even though he is actually a night person. He starts the day tired and unrested with an hour in the gym, where he prepares himself for the day with an intensive EMS workout and a new yoga technique. After a cold shower, meditation is on the agenda, followed by filling out the success journal. Hans-Uwe then has breakfast at 7 o'clock. However, as he tracks his calories precisely with an app, instead of bread rolls with Nutella he only has a Bullet Proof Coffee, because someone once told Hans-Uwe that this is the true breakfast for champions.

Hungry but determined, he then visualizes his goals for the day, which he has written down using the SMART formula. However, as this alone is not enough, he supports the process with appropriate affirmations, which he recites in front of the mirror and concludes with his personal power pose. He has set his to-do list for the morning using the Eisenhower matrix, and to ensure he is as productive as possible, he uses the Pomodoro technique to make the most of his limited time. During the few breaks he takes, he always finds inspiration on Instagram, where he follows the crème de la crème of the motivational industry, who regularly provide him with quotes that remind him how important it is to be an eagle and definitely not a chicken.

Hans-Uwe's stomach is starting to growl really loudly, because because he follows the philosophy of intermittent fasting, he is only allowed to eat solid food between 12 noon and 8 pm. But as winners know that carbohydrates make you tired, he enjoys a green smoothie from his three-week juice diet, which he has just bought for several hundred euros. On his way to a networking appointment (he is always open to synergies), Hans-Uwe doesn't waste his time, but instead listens to the podcast of a guru he admires (at 2.7x speed, of course), who keeps reminding him audibly that you will only get anywhere if you are prepared to go the extra mile. Since he still has some time before the appointment, he practices the Wim Hof breathing technique, which enables him to deal with his stressful everyday life as an entrepreneur in spe even more efficiently.

After an afternoon that was as exhausting as it was fruitless, Hans-Uwe doesn't call it a day, because he is an eagle after all. Instead, he logs into the weekly Inner Circle Call of his exclusive winning mastermind group, which is offered by his guru and of which he has recently become a member for an annual fee of just 35 thousand euros. Hans-Uwe is now struggling to pay his rent on time, but the guru has reassured him that he would never get anywhere if he didn't invest in his personal development. After the meeting, he still has no idea how to make more money, but he has bought the coach's brand new online course, which was only available that evening at a special price of €2,999.

To round off the day, Hans-Uwe treats himself to a session with his brand new Mind Spa app before quickly reaching for his success diary shortly after midnight to summarize the day in writing. But he has to hurry, because in just a few hours it will be 5 a.m. again and the stress will start all over again.

The self-optimization mania as a cause of dissatisfaction

Yes, I admit that I have exaggerated some things to make things clearer. But doesn't all this sound a little familiar to you? Many people feel the same way as Hans-Uwe. Regardless of their current life situation. It affects the student just as much as the solopreneur, the manager, the sales representative or the single father. No wonder, because the world is turning faster and faster, and the pace, intensity and unpredictability of external changes and global crises have increased massively in recent years.

Algorithms determine our everyday lives, there is a suitable software for every problem today and a not exactly small number of jobs will be taken over by artificial intelligence or machines in the future. More and more people instinctively sense that we are at a decisive turning point in history. And this development has led to buzzwords such as change management, transformation and personal development becoming omnipresent. Because the realization has taken hold that you can either jump on the bandwagon of change or find yourself lonely and abandoned on the platform at some point.

This is where exaggerated self-optimization comes into play. As gratifying as it may seem at first glance that actively dealing with change is becoming an ever greater priority, the concrete results of these efforts are often fatal. This is because the traditional seminars, programs, training courses and books dedicated to the topic are all based on a fundamental premise: The way things have been done up to now is unfortunately no longer sufficient. What is needed are new ideas, new approaches and, above all, one thing: the development of one's own personality through continuous change.

The fatal messages of personality development

But what do the subsequent efforts usually look like? Open any book from the self-help scene and you will find the same messages communicated more or less subtly:

  • You are missing something.
  • You are not good enough.
  • You have an urgent need for optimization.

Models, techniques and tools are then proposed as solutions, all of which lead to a flawless, extraordinary and, above all, perfect future. And the promises sound quite tempting. Everyone can live their dream, have a well-paid job, be fit and healthy, have happy relationships, be financially secure and free from worries. If only, yes, if only you followed the experts' instructions perfectly and down to the last detail. Of course, the catch in this approach is immediately obvious.

We humans are simply not perfect. We have our weaknesses, we are not always as disciplined as we would like to be and our motivation is occasionally in the cellar. And when imperfect people strive for a perfect state, disaster is inevitably inevitable. Triggered by the suggestions of the „You are missing something, you are not good enough and you are in urgent need of optimization“ you desperately try to reduce your own weak points.

To fight the status quo with all your might. To rebuild your own personality. Leaving nothing to chance and controlling, monitoring and optimizing every single detail of your life. Driven by tools, methods and regular reminders of the need for optimization, you gradually develop into a human lab rat that is so busy trying to eliminate the supposed deficiency that at some point you lose sight of the actual reason why you started all this effort in the first place: To lead a fulfilled and contented life worthy of the name.

Personal change does not mean having to optimize something

Hand on heart, have you seen all the Changes In your everyday personal life, the twenty-third professional change process in five years and the numerous crises that we increasingly have to deal with, haven't you also thought: „I've had enough now, I'm not a machine“? If so, I would like to introduce you to an approach that will allow you to achieve positive and sustainable change without getting caught up in self-optimization mania. My thesis is this:

Change works best when you let go of the idea that there is something to optimize.

The exact opposite is the case, and the best thing to do is to read the following sentence over and over again until you have anchored it deep inside you:

You are good the way you are.

I am well aware that this sentence might come across as a little cheesy, but it hits the nail on the head. You are a wonderful and valuable person with many different facets. With all your strengths and weaknesses. With all your rough edges. And regardless of whether you are happy with your current life situation or would like to start all over again, there is nothing, absolutely nothing to optimize.

An end to the self-optimization mania

Will you give me your hand that you will never forget this fact again? Wonderful, then writing this article has already been more than worth it for me. And of course, accepting your individual uniqueness doesn't mean that your future can't be happier, more successful or more fulfilling. On the contrary, I would even like your head to be full of big ideas, bold goals and completely crazy dreams. You know, I'm talking about the kind of dreams that make those around you start to sweat and ask you: „You want to do WHAT?“

Believe me, we all have these dreams. But only very few of us dare to really live them. Because the vast majority prefer to get lost in the destructive labyrinth of self-optimization mania instead of tackling the necessary changes with the right balance. Because not everything that is old is automatically bad. And not everything that is new is good per se. It always comes down to a balanced mix.

If you don't change anything, then everything stays the same. And this lack of personal growth is why the majority of our society today is so frustrated and disillusioned with everyday life. However, it is just as wrong if you overdo it with change. If you leave no stone unturned, want too much at once and convince yourself so much that you need to reduce your own weaknesses that you move further and further away from yourself over time.

Change is balance. Always. And I wish you every success in the world.

Beautiful failure - because success is not happiness

Posted on by Mariana-A

What is the opposite of success for you? There's a good chance that you spontaneously answered with failure, making mistakes or even failure. But that couldn't be more wrong. Quite the opposite, because failure is not only part of success, it is actually an essential component. Because only those who make mistakes continue to develop and learn. The philosophy of „failing beautifully“ is therefore essential if you want to grow personally and professionally. And in this blog article, we want to take a look at how you can best achieve this.

The fear of failure

Everywhere you look, there is more or less a standstill. People no longer dare to think innovatively, to make bold decisions, and the The future into their own hands. Instead, people prefer to play it safe and manage the unloved but familiar status quo. And the reason is as simple as it is tragic. If you were to ask the people involved, you would get a variation of the following answers: „I am not responsible for that„, „That can't be changed so easily“ or of course the infamous classic „We've always done it this way.“ And this indifferent attitude then leads to doing things by the book, not even thinking about the sense and nonsense of rules or reacting to a digital problem with a process that dates back to the good old analog days. In other words, you try to solve a problem of today with the methods and approaches of the day before yesterday.

But what is the reason for this fundamental refusal to embrace innovative ideas, new approaches and possible process improvements? In organizations, it is almost always a negative error culture in combination with a Leadership culture, based on pressure and fear. It usually looks like this. Someone makes a mistake, whereupon the search for someone to blame begins immediately. Once this person has been identified, the finger is pointed at them in a condemnatory manner, and they would love to sink into the ground with shame. The result? People gradually develop a deep-seated fear of making mistakes. No wonder when possible consequences such as warnings, public humiliation or even dismissal are constantly hanging over you like the sword of Damocles. As a result, decisions are no longer made at all, no one takes any risks and, in the best-case scenario, only work to rule is on the agenda. Much more frequently, however, not even that happens anymore, but only the standstill is managed. A logical consequence, because if you do nothing, you can't make any mistakes. A tragic development that sooner or later ends in a toxic corporate culture.

The negative spiral of a destructive error culture

But many people have also developed an almost panicky fear of failure on a personal level. Because failures in various areas of life are almost automatically accompanied by the conviction that you are a failure. And this leads to a fascinating dilemma. The more tensely you try not to make mistakes, the more often they occur, which in the long run really brings down your self-confidence. I would like to highlight one connection in particular at this point: The biggest obstacle to successful change is the pressure factor.

And by that I mean both the external pressures and expectations, but especially the inner fear of possible mistakes and the resulting stress that we expose ourselves to. The emotional burden of having to achieve a specific result in a very specific period of time, of not being allowed to fail under any circumstances and of having to constantly fight against the status quo of your job, your health, your finances, your relationships and your general satisfaction in life. As is so often the case, the solution is very simple, but by no means easy. The trick is to banish the pressure and fear of making mistakes from your life and replace it with a healthy dose of serenity.

Pressure and fear prevent success

Would you agree with me that you are always particularly successful when you approach tasks in a relaxed, calm and confident manner? And then cramp up when you want to avoid mistakes at all costs, can't withstand the pressure and need a desired result so urgently that you freeze like the proverbial rabbit in front of the snake when it comes to achieving it? Take my favorite sport, golf, for example. Regardless of whether you have ever held a club in your life or not, nine times out of ten you would probably hole a putt from half a meter away with ease.

But what would it be like if it was the last putt at the most important tournament in the world? If the result would decide eternal fame or the image of a failure? If you knew that you were just one stroke away from unimagined riches in your account? Under such conditions, the fifty centimetres suddenly seem infinitely long. Because your heart beats faster. Your hands start to sweat. And your inner dialog is constantly reminding you of everything that can go wrong. A perfectly easy task suddenly becomes the hardest task in the world under pressure.

Incidentally, this phenomenon occurs constantly and everywhere in everyday life. When flirting, in negotiations, in communication, in interpersonal relationships, in sport, in sales and, of course, in a wide variety of contexts at work. I remember exactly how I was invited to a job interview with an absolute dream company straight after graduating. I wanted nothing more in the world than this job, because I knew that it would open all the doors to a successful future for me.

However, this prospect didn't inspire me, but instead led to a lot of pressure weighing heavily on my shoulders. Driven by the fear of failure, I tried to be the perfect candidate for the company and did pretty much everything wrong that could be done wrong. I tensed up, answered with memorized phrases and came across more like a robot than a person with a multi-faceted personality. After just ten minutes, the two recruiters exchanged a meaningful glance before telling me: „Um, thank you very much, Mr. Grzeskowitz. We'll be in touch.“

Serenity as a success factor

Logically, the rejection was not long in coming, but fortunately I didn't give up and despite the bumpy start, I continued on my path as a retail manager. And the more successful I became, the more my network grew and the more I completed external audits with corresponding recommendations, the more job offers I received. From direct competitors, from management consultancies and even from well-known brands in sectors that were completely foreign to me. Although I was very flattered, I wasn't interested at all, as I had already made the decision to become a Keynote Speaker and Author to become self-employed.

Nevertheless, I attended the interviews. Because on the one hand, it can never hurt to test your own market value, and on the other hand, I was sure that the experience could be very helpful for my future job as a change expert. And guess what happened? That's right, my inner composure was transferred to my entire appearance and communication, so that I received a job offer in every single interview. And without having to negotiate a single euro on my very demanding salary expectations.

It's not without a certain humor, is it? The more tense you are about a task, the more desperately you need something and the more panicky you are about failure, the greater the likelihood that you will achieve exactly the opposite of what you actually wanted. If, on the other hand, you allow yourself to be guided by an inner serenity and accept that mistakes are part of life, then you will develop further all by yourself and often achieve the desired results much more quickly. The American athletics coach Joe Vigil described this perfectly in the following metaphor: „Two goddesses live in your heart. The goddess of wisdom and the goddess of wealth. Everyone thinks that you have to be rich first and wisdom will follow. And so they start chasing after money. But the order is wrong. You have to give your heart to the goddess of wisdom and give her all your love and attention. This will make the goddess of wealth jealous and automatically follow you.“

Failure as a prerequisite for success in life

A wonderful picture, isn't it? But the most important thing is between the lines. All you have to do is mentally replace the term wealth with Success whatever you understand by that. Achieving this requires both personal growth and a series of necessary changes. And these are much easier to implement if you don't tensely chase after a specific result and fight like a machine against the status quo, but instead focus calmly on enjoying life, growing with its various tasks and developing yourself further. Incidentally, this does not mean that all successes happen by chance. Nor does it mean that you should no longer set yourself goals or work in a disciplined manner to achieve them. On the contrary, all of this is of course important. Serenity is quite simply the antidote to the tendency to take it easy with the Changes to exaggerate, to build up too much pressure and thus to tense up during implementation.

The paradox of failure

I would like to use this blog article to make a passionate plea for failure. To encourage you to fail more beautifully. To fail more often. And then to learn from this failure, become better and grow as a person. By the way, far be it from me to want to glorify failure. Rather, I would like to remind you that they are as much a part of life as the air we breathe. And the more comfortably you can deal with setbacks, the more ease, a high level of self-confidence and a deep inner serenity will find their way into your life. This leads to a certain paradox:

The more naturally you deal with the topic of failure, the greater the likelihood that you will be successful.

And that is precisely why Shift It works best when it is not based on tension and pressure, but on lightness, balance and serenity. The following question is a perfect starting point:

What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?

You've probably heard this question before, haven't you? It has a firm place in all success books and is also often used by keynote speakers around the world when it comes to finding the courage to pursue your own goals and dreams. The idea behind it sounds logical at first glance: because most people don't even start for fear of failure, you simply mentally eliminate this possibility and thus help yourself to take the all-important first step. But be careful! I think this question is extremely dangerous. Why? Quite simply because, in my view, it is the result of a mentality that is becoming more and more widespread.

Beautiful failure with a powerful question

Whether it's politics, making difficult decisions in companies or implementing brilliant ideas in everyday personal life, more and more people are acting according to the motto: „I would give it a try if I was guaranteed that it would work in any case.“ Ever heard of it? Perhaps thought it yourself? However, this way of thinking is based on a big mistake. Unfortunately, life doesn't work like that. There is no guarantee for absolutely nothing. Quite the opposite. Every opportunity always involves risks, perfect plans can go awry, every success is always accompanied by corresponding failures and successful personalities in particular have often failed several times on the way to their achievements.

Although this is common knowledge, the expectation still lurks deep in the subconscious of the masses that they themselves are not affected by this duality and that they should achieve the small and large projects of everyday life at the first attempt. And before you know it, you've put yourself under immense pressure and don't even begin to implement them for fear of possible failure. The book is not written, the company is not founded and the dream is not lived. Because you're afraid that other people might make fun of you. That you're not good enough. And imagining in the brightest colors what could go wrong. The consequence? Many people have based their lives on the following rule: If there is no easy way, then I won't even start.

Failure as an essential part of life

What a tragic attitude. Before you can achieve your personal goals, the universe demands a lot of setbacks, mistakes and failures. Failure is as much a part of life as Asterix is to Obelix, as marzipan is to Lübeck and as the song Last Christmas at Christmas time. I even go one step further. The more often you fail on your journey, the more successful you will be. Yes, you read that right.

The number of mistakes you make is a direct reflection of your success in all areas of life.

Only those who act actively change. Only those who make courageous decisions will improve. And only those who dare to try out new ideas will eventually find the right one. Mistakes are bound to happen. Every single one of them is valuable feedback that you are in the all-important implementation phase. With every single experience, you will grow, develop and become more successful. History is full of examples of people who have consistently failed their way to success.

Fail forward

Publisher Arianna Huffington's book idea was rejected by 36 publishers before she started the Huffington Post changed the media landscape forever. Harland Sanders, the founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken, was told no by 1009 banks when he presented them with his business idea. And iconic director Steven Spielberg was turned down by three film schools before he was successful with films such as E.T., Indiana Jones or Jurassic Park made the big breakthrough. And because I could bet that there are also examples in your life where you only achieved a decisive breakthrough after making a big mistake, I would like to suggest an alternative formulation for the question above:

What would you do if you knew that you would definitely fail?“

Yes, you actually read that correctly. At first glance, this approach may seem completely crazy, because who wants to start something that they know will never work? But if you let the question sink in and think a little longer about possible answers, then a real breakthrough could be waiting for you. Sooner or later, you will come across the goals, plans and dreams that you are so passionate about that you would be prepared to tackle them even without a successful outcome. Simply because you enjoy the process itself and are really absorbed in the actual activity.

What would you do if you knew you were going to fail?

So hand on heart, what would be worth doing even if it wasn't successful? I thought of this question as I cheered my sister on at the Berlin Marathon in September, which over 50,000 people take part in every year. 99.9 % of these people know that there is no way they will win the race. Nevertheless, they take part and prepare for months for this one day. Because it's not about winning, it's just about being there. Soaking up the unique atmosphere. And, of course, the priceless feeling when you finally cross the finish line after 42 arduous kilometers.

For me, this is not only a wonderful metaphor for life itself, but also a perfect example of the application of serenity in everyday life. The point is this. The end result depends on so many different factors, none of which you can control. How you control the process, which things you do or don't do and how much passion you put into the task, however, is 100% within your sphere of influence. And the more you focus on this, the more likely you are to achieve a good result.

  • Don't write the book because you absolutely want to end up on the bestseller list, but because you have something to say and you enjoy writing.
  • Don't start the YouTube channel to accumulate hundreds of thousands of subscribers as quickly as possible, but because you enjoy making inspiring videos.
  • Don't go out to find a partner, but because you like to party and enjoy the company of other people.
  • Don't found the start-up to sell it for several million as quickly as possible, but because you can solve the problems of many people with your business idea.

This way, you can approach each task without any pressure, but with a lot of composure and can concentrate one hundred percent on what really matters. And who knows, maybe the book will end up being a bestseller, maybe your channel will go through the roof one day, maybe you'll meet your dream partner and maybe your start-up will actually become the next unicorn (this refers to a company market valuation of over 1 billion dollars). And if not? Then it's no big deal. Because you were never concerned with the result, but always with the path to the goal.

The opposite of success

I would therefore like to repeat the question once again: What would you do if you knew that you would definitely fail? It's best to make a list of all the answers you can think of. And then start implementing them. And do it today, not at some point. Do the things that don't let you sleep at night. Fulfill the dreams that have been lying in the drawer for so long. And tackle the projects that you've been putting off for fear of failure. Yes, failure can be hard. But the feeling is much worse when you look back at some point and regret not having tried at least once. Am I right?

The sooner you accept that failure and mistakes are part of life, the better. Franz Beckenbauer became famous for his motivational speech before the 1990 World Cup final, when he gave the national team led by Lothar Matthäus, Rudi Völler and Andreas Brehme a single message: „Go out and play soccer.“ I would like to adapt this sentence and shout to you: „Go out and succeed.“ Life is simply too short to waste it on excuses and fear of your own courage.

Oh yes, and that brings me back to the initial question, namely what exactly is the opposite of success. The answer should be obvious by now: it's mediocrity. But fortunately, by applying the philosophy of beautiful failure, you no longer have anything to do with mediocrity.

The Zeigarnik effect: a fascinating psychological phenomenon

Posted on by Mariana-A

The Zeigarnik effect is a fascinating psychological phenomenon. It not only describes why people can remember interrupted or unfinished tasks better than completed ones, but also why Changes so often fail in business or in everyday personal life. Let's dive into the exciting world of the human brain.

Why do we remember unfinished tasks better?

Dear readers, what is the best way to relax? For me, it's jogging through the forest. Because when my body is moving, my mind is moving too. This was the case recently. While I enjoy the feeling of peace and clarity, my mind wanders and I reflect on the stressful last few weeks, which have been characterized by Keynotes, lectures and trips across Europe. One encounter in particular has remained in my memory.

At an international leadership meeting in the Austrian Alps, I got talking to a manager of a large corporation who told me that he had been working with a personal coach for some time because the overwhelming number of tasks had led to increased stress, brooding and excessive demands. His coach then gave him the tip to consciously recall the most important tasks for the next day before going to bed so that his subconscious could search for possible solutions during the night.

The Zeigarnik effect: the background

Although this approach sounds good in theory, in practice it led to the exact opposite of the hoped-for results. Not only did the manager not find any solutions to his various problems, but he slept even more restlessly and worse than before, which led to him experiencing a whole new level of stress in the morning.

When he asked if I could give him a tip, I told him about a phenomenon called the Zeigarnik effect, named after the Russian psychologist Blyuma Vulfovna Zeigarnik is named.

She traveled to Berlin in 1927 for research purposes. The background to her studies was a situation she observed in a coffee house. She was astonished to discover that a waiter in the completely overcrowded establishment was taking one order after another despite the hectic rush, and was able to remember and execute them without error despite the large number of orders. But just a few minutes later, he could no longer remember exactly which guests had ordered what. He only remembered the orders that he had not yet completed.

Definition Zeigarnik effect

Based on this observation, Zeigarnik then invited 164 test subjects to an experiment at Humboldt University and gave them the task of making or drawing something. Some of these activities were allowed to be completed, while others were interrupted by the psychologist.

And in this context, the result was the same again. Unfinished tasks were remembered up to 90 % better than those that were completed. And this was completely independent of age, level of education, gender or origin. Zeigarnik concluded from this that our brain provides a certain amount of cognitive tension for upcoming and unfinished tasks, which is maintained until the task has been completed. If this does not happen, however, the mental tension is not relieved by solving the problem, so that it remains in the memory in the long term.

The chest of drawers as a metaphor for our brain

If this sounds too complicated, imagine for a moment that you have a large chest of drawers in your head. Whenever you add a new task during the day, it is placed in a drawer that remains open until the task is completed. And because many people's to-do lists get fuller and fuller, there are usually dozens of drawers still open at the end of the day. This is where the Zeigarnik effect comes into play, because as we remember unfinished tasks better, our brain runs at full speed due to the increased cognitive tension. Unfortunately, this makes it difficult to rest. The result? We sleep poorly, feel stressed and struggle with constant overload.

Tips for dealing with the Zeigarnik effect

And this is precisely why the manager I spoke to after my presentation was unable to solve his problem. Because consciously dealing with his open drawers only made things worse. Fortunately, it's not that difficult to beat the Zeigarnik effect and ensure that you end your days with a mental chest of drawers in which all drawers are closed, or at least minimized. So here are my best tips for achieving just that:

  • Set priorities: The more open projects, tasks and to-dos we have, the more overwhelmed we feel. By consistently setting priorities, you can reliably work through the really big chunks first. Ask yourself regularly: What are the really important things? Which tasks will have the greatest effect if I take care of them?
  • Focus: When you tackle a task, focus 100 % of your attention on this task alone.
  • The 2-minute rule: We all know those small, supposedly insignificant tasks that we like to put off until later, don't we? But even lots of small open drawers lead to brooding and stress in the long run. So how about the following: Never put off a task that can be completed in two minutes or less, but tackle it straight away.
  • Let go: Let go of as many to-dos as possible. One option is to delegate tasks to other people so that the task is psychologically considered completed in your mind. Alternatively, you can also put tasks on hold (in the mental resubmission) so that they can be temporarily considered completed.

 

Make positive use of the Zeigarnik effect in your everyday life

The better you are able to close your open drawers, the more your mental hygiene will thank you. And of course you can also use the Zeigarnik effect in a targeted and intentional way. For example, series always end with a cliffhanger at the most exciting point, retailers like to work with time-limited offers and the writer Ernest Hemingway is said to have always deliberately interrupted his work at a point where he could theoretically have continued. This enabled him to get back into the flow as quickly as possible the next day. I would therefore like to end with a question: how can you make positive use of the Zeigarnik effect in your everyday life?

P.S.: For the sake of completeness, it should be mentioned that the results of the experiment could not be repeated afterwards, and the effect is therefore quite controversial. However, the basic effect of the Zeigarnik effect can be found everywhere in everyday life

Thinking is the new sexy - Becoming a critical thinker

Posted on by Mariana-A

Thinking is the new sexy. That sounds strange at first, but it's true. Because thinking is a skill that has been increasingly unlearned over the years, but is becoming essential for the future. So let's go down the rabbit hole called thinking. Do you feel like it? Then let's go.

Who thinks your thoughts?

Who actually thinks your thoughts? If your first impulse now is to answer „Well, me, who else, Ilya?“, then I hope this article has helped you a little with your thoughts. Comfort zone to be able to shake things up. Instead, we want to talk about the supposedly mundane topic of thinking. Especially in my job as a Keynote Speaker I regularly come across this at events and conferences when I listen to presentations by other speakers or colleagues. They fervently demand that we need more forward thinkers, out-of-the-box thinkers, positive thinkers, outside-the-box thinkers, creative thinkers or future thinkers. And my first impulse is always the same: it would be enough for me if people would think at all. Because what is often colloquially referred to as thinking is actually something completely different.

The many myths of communication

What do I mean by that? Perhaps you have heard a lecture, read a book or listened to a podcast on the subject of personal development. It is highly likely that sooner or later you will have come across the example that there was once a study by Mr. Mehrabian who found that the effect of communication depends 7 % on the content, 38 % on the tonality of the voice and 55 % on body language.

And what is the conclusion? Quite simply: the content doesn't really matter, gestures, facial expressions and the voice are much more important. You have probably also heard the statement that humans have two brain hemispheres, the left half of which is responsible for rational, logical and analytical tasks, while the right half takes care of creative, emotional and intuitive things. Or do you know the example of the bumblebee that, according to the laws of aerodynamics, couldn't actually fly, but because it doesn't know that, it just does it anyway? Or how about the famous Yale study from 1957 (often referred to as the Harvard study), according to which 3 % of the students who formulated their goals in writing later accumulated more wealth than the other 97 % combined?

These are just a few of many other examples that all have one thing in common. They are simply not true. They are myths. The interpretation of the Mehrabian study was refuted by its namesake himself, that we have two different brain hemispheres is not correct, the bumblebee thing comes from the world of myths and the Yale study never really existed.

And now we come to the topic of thinking, because there are simply so many keynote speakers, authors or podcasters who seem to have little claim to their own content, preferring instead to copy and parrot stories, examples or supposed studies. They have heard this somewhere, know that they can make a popular point with it and then claim it without any research, but with a lot of fervor and conviction (the Dunning-Kruger effect sends its regards). And that means that they no longer think for themselves, but instead uncritically and unfiltered adopt any content that is available and disseminate it one-to-one without subjecting it to even minimal scrutiny.

Laziness of thought is spreading

„That's all well and good, Ilja, but I'm neither a speaker nor an author, I have a completely different profession, why is that relevant to me now?“ I'm glad you asked, because you can really find the pattern behind these examples everywhere. I'm talking about lazy thinking and the ever-increasing tendency to adopt ready-made content, opinions and narratives and to accept them directly as my own without any critical scrutiny.

Take a look at the feed of your favorite social media platform and you will be amazed at how many articles, pictures, slogans, competitions or messages are shared indiscriminately without any critical filter. My favorite examples are those infamous fake competitions in which Apple is supposedly giving away 500 iPads, you can win a Mercedes GLK or a Sony Playstation. But of course only if you have shared the post with your entire network in good old chain letter style.

And although these types of competitions are known to be nothing more than a huge scam to steal users' data, the supposedly enlightened and so critically thinking masses fall for this type of rip-off time and again, and the posts are often liked and commented on hundreds of thousands of times.

Who actually thinks your thoughts?

But why is that? The reason is as simple as it is alarming. Because many people have become lazy thinkers and no longer bother to think for themselves, preferring instead to leave this process to others. And if you now object that you think all day long, then I would like to ask you the question from the beginning of the article once again:

Who thinks your thoughts?

Are you simply adopting the ideas, opinions and viewpoints of others out of convenience or are your thoughts really the result of an individual, critical and comprehensive process of internal analysis? After all, this is what thinking is all about, namely taking in information and then critically reviewing it by developing it further, rejecting it or combining it with other ideas. A good starting point is always the following question: How do I know that?

Critical thinking: the process of getting to the source of the thought

In order to be able to give an answer, you have to start an internal process that leads you to the core of the information. To explain this, let's take the example of the two hemispheres of the brain, which are responsible for either logic or emotions. This idea sounds so convincing that we are quickly tempted to adopt it unfiltered.

The question „How do I know that?“ now interrupts this impulse and leads you to the source instead. Suddenly you realize that the thought did not originally come from you, but that you read it somewhere. The next question could then be: Who did this statement come from and where was it published? How does this person know this and what verifiable sources did they cite?

By asking questions in this way, you leave the surface and instead work your way down step by step. Until you eventually arrive at a study, an article or other verifiable facts. And that's not always so easy.

Just take the example of the many famous quotes from Steve Jobs, Anthony Hopkins or Albert Einstein that are circulating on the internet. Out of sheer laziness of thought and agreement with the individual statements, it is overlooked that the quotes shared do not come from these people at all. And even if you take the trouble to do some research, you start a quick Google search, which then immediately links to a blog article that also attributes the quote in question to Einstein or Jobs.

The problem is that the blogger didn't think for himself either, but picked up the quote somewhere and then spread it unfiltered. And because the article is at the top of Google, the false information is now spreading like wildfire.

Critical thinking: From the surface to the source

What applies to the written word can also be observed time and again in speeches. I now become extremely wary when I hear one of the favorite phrases of many speakers: „Studies have proven/found/proven that...“. You know that too, don't you? My alarm bells immediately start ringing and I ask myself which study it might be, whether this person's statement is really based on a verifiable source or whether he simply claimed it that way. This critical questioning, this critical scrutiny and the process of questioning yourself from a statement on the surface down to the deeper levels, that's what thinking is all about.

And of course I admit that this is not always easy in a time of ever-increasing information overload. The oversupply of the most diverse messages, ideas, opinions, viewpoints and narratives has made it extremely challenging to maintain an overview. And that is precisely why it is more important than ever before:

Thinking is the new sexy!

Because really thinking in the truest sense of the word has become an exception. Because thinking your own thoughts, comparing them with the most important values, combining them with other information and generating completely new ideas from them has become an absolute exception.

Thinking is the new sexy

This is all the more true because political correctness is becoming more and more prevalent, some things are only said because they are currently en vogue and others are no longer formulated because they run counter to the current zeitgeist. If you want to develop independent thinking as a sexy feature of your personality under these conditions, the following questions are a good starting point:

  • Is the idea I'm thinking, the strategy I'm developing or the message I want to send really something that comes from me
  • Is it based on my most important Values and does it go hand in hand with my experience?
  • Is it really what I think, feel and am convinced of, or have I adopted it unfiltered and unchecked from others because it is currently in vogue or corresponds to the majority opinion?
  • Am I just thinking my thoughts because that's what people think and because I want to conform to the majority in my bubble?

 

Psychologist Solomon Asch discovered that this is not so rare back in 1951 in his famous conformity experiment, in which he showed how peer pressure can influence an individual person to evaluate an obviously false statement as correct. And just so we're clear, I am in no way trying to encourage you to become one of those no-matter-what-it-is-I'm-basically-against-everything whingers. Critical thinking only becomes sexy when you critically question yourself and your individual thought processes and go into every discussion with the willingness to be wrong.

The mindset of critical thinking

But the more you use this Mindset as a basis, the sooner you will develop a kind of inner bullshit filter and realize how much false information is used, how often certain things are simply parroted and how many myths, false facts and fake claims are simply spread indiscriminately and develop in an almost curious way in a kind of domino rally to become the generally accepted truth, although they are not actually the truth at all.

However, there is another factor that is much more important. The more often you base your own decisions, strategies, career, business and life planning on your own ideas, opinions and independent thinking, the more authentic and fulfilling the whole thing will be.

And at the same time, the quality of your own content, your services and communication in general will also increase. Because the more you think for yourself, the more you come into contact with your individual uniqueness. The more you literally become the thinker of your own thoughts, the more valuable your ideas become, your personality becomes sexy and you stand out from the gray mass of conformity.

If in doubt, always ask yourself „How do I know that?“ and then go deeper, ideally to the source. Where do the alleged facts come from? Is it just an opinion or can it be backed up by studies, scientific research or other verifiable figures, data and information? The last point is so essential, because many people often only argue on the basis of opinions, feelings or anecdotal evidence that was once an exception under certain circumstances, but is not generally valid.

Become the thinker of your own thoughts

It would therefore fill my heart with great joy if you would take this article as an opportunity to put your own thought processes and strategies to the test. Of course, this also means critically questioning what I have just tried to convey to you. To ask yourself whether it's all really true and whether you want to adopt it, or whether it might even be complete nonsense.

If you find that out for yourself, then that's perfectly fine. It was much more important to me to challenge you a little, to tickle you and to encourage you not to leave the all-important thinking to other people. And if you want to go down this path, now would be a good time to throw lazy thinking overboard and become a thinker of your own thoughts once and for all. Isn't that right?

What are beliefs? The ultimate guide

Posted on by Mariana-A

What are beliefs? This is a question I am asked again and again. No wonder, because beliefs (you can also say convictions or beliefs instead) determine our thought patterns, our Decision-making strategies and in particular our specific behavior every single second of our lives. And unconsciously on autopilot mode. This naturally has a huge impact on our Achievements at work and the general quality of life.

You wouldn't believe how many people there are who really Success who want nothing more than to have a career, or who would like nothing more than to be wealthy. But no matter what they tackle, try or attempt, whenever they take one step forward, they immediately take two steps back. The result is a self-reinforcing spiral of Self-sabotage, failures and setbacks. But why is that, when these people want so much to be, do or have something?

Here comes the answer, which originates in the subconscious: It simply doesn't matter what someone wishes for, sets out to do or what plans they announce. The only thing that counts is what you do. It depends on your behavior. And that is a direct reflection of your most important beliefs. They think and do what they are deeply and firmly convinced of.

But enough of the preamble. Let's get straight into it. I hope you enjoy reading this ultimate guide to beliefs. And if you are still missing any specific information or have any questions, I look forward to your comments.

Definition of beliefs: What they are and how they work

Even though I have already mentioned what beliefs are and how they work in the first paragraph, I would still like to add an official definition to these thoughts at this point:

“Beliefs are views deeply rooted in our subconscious that we develop in the course of our lives and of which we are deeply and firmly convinced. These beliefs serve as the basis for our thoughts, actions and decisions. Beliefs come from various sources, such as our experiences, upbringing, culture, media or the social environment in which we grew up. They form the filters through which we view the world, influence our perception and interpretation of situations and thus the results of our behavior.”

The difference between beliefs and belief systems

Beliefs are the things in life that you deeply and firmly believe to be true. They lie deep in your subconscious and influence your actions and therefore your results in life. This influence is naturally stronger the more firmly and longer a belief is anchored in you.

Imagine for a moment a table that only has three legs. That would be a pretty wobbly affair, wouldn't it? Would you put your best china on it? Probably not, right? But if this table were to stand on lots of legs, especially thick ones, then you could place just about any object on it, simply because you know about the stability and strength of the piece of furniture. Every set of beliefs is like such a table. At first it is a little wobbly, but soon the first table legs are added and begin to make the table more stable and powerful. In real life, these are (emotional) reference experiences that confirm and thus reinforce your beliefs.

Let me give you an example. If you believe that it is healthy to live as a vegetarian, then you will encounter „evidence“ of this conviction everywhere in your life. On television, on the internet, in conversations with friends and colleagues. And each of these „proofs“ will then reinforce your belief, whereupon you will find even more proof that your belief is correct. It is a self-reinforcing spiral. The philosopher Robert Anton Wilson summarized this in his book „The new Prometheus - The evolution of our intelligence“ in one apt sentence: „What the thinker thinks, the evidencer will prove.“

The thinker and the evidencer

Wilson uses an ingenious metaphor to make his point. Imagine that your brain consists of two parts. One that is responsible for thinking and another part whose sole task is to prove the thinker's thoughts. So if you were suddenly convinced that being a vegetarian was absolutely dangerous to your health, you would also find plenty of references and evidence for this thesis.

The following anecdote illustrates the metaphor of the thinker and the evidencer: one day a man came to a psychiatrist because he urgently needed help. He firmly believed that he was a corpse (yes, there is nothing that does not exist). The doctor thought for a moment and then tried to outwit his new patient with logic. He asked him a question:

„Tell me, a corpse is already dead, isn't it?“

„Yes, of course,“ came the immediate reply.

The psychiatrist went on to ask: „And if you cut into the skin of a corpse, that means no blood can come out, right?“

„Yes, exactly, there's no way a corpse can bleed“.

„Then I have an idea,« said the doctor, „would you allow me to make a very light incision in your arm with a sharp knife to see exactly what will happen?“

The patient immediately agreed: „Sure thing, doc. No problem at all“.

So the psychiatrist took his scalpel and carefully scratched the man's left arm, which immediately began to bleed. Safe in the knowledge that he had convinced his patient with this evidence that he could not possibly be a corpse, he asked the final question: „So, what exactly does this result tell us?“

The patient looked slightly confused as he replied: „That's really weird. Corpses do bleed!“

Beliefs reinforce themselves into belief systems

This is the power of beliefs. And if you have a whole series of similar beliefs in one area of your life, they become a whole cluster of beliefs, i.e. a belief system, which then has an even stronger effect than a single belief. However, there are two types of beliefs: on the one hand, there are solution-oriented and activating beliefs. These bring you closer to your goals and dreams and make you believe in your success.

Unfortunately, there are just as many limiting and restrictive beliefs that hold you back from your goals and make you believe that you are not good enough or do not deserve success. And for most people, these negative beliefs prevail - with the corresponding results, of course. But what do you think if we look at a few specific examples?

Examples of limiting beliefs

Negative beliefs appear in many different areas of life and influence our thoughts and actions. Here are some classic examples of limiting beliefs that prevent us from achieving the success we want.

  1. “I'm not good enough.”

  2. “I don't deserve happiness.”

  3. “I am not worthy of being loved.”

  4. “Money is hard to earn.”

  5. “I can never change.”

  6. „Change must be difficult.“

  7. „Money corrupts character.“

  8. „Rich people are evil.“

  9. „If I don't do it myself, it won't work.“

  10. „You don't talk about money.“

Examples of beneficial beliefs

Unlike their limiting siblings, positive beliefs can help us realize our full potential and lead a fulfilling life. Here are some examples of positive beliefs:

  1. “I have the ability to achieve anything I set my mind to.”

  2. “I am worthy of love and success.”

  3. “I am unique and valuable.”

  4. “I am financially successful and have enough for my needs.”

  5. “I have the power to change and grow myself.”

  6. „I attract money like a magnet“.

  7. „Commitment, hard work and perseverance always pay off in the end.“

  8. „If I give a lot and gladly, I get back twice and three times as much in the long run.“

  9. „If I regularly make courageous decisions, life will give me rich gifts.“

  10. „A positive Mindset will open all the doors in my life.“

I have consciously chosen these beneficial beliefs and made them the basis of my daily work. And they now unconsciously help me to achieve my goals and live my dreams.

Beliefs an overview

In addition to the two top 10 lists, how about an overview chart? Here you will find a summary of beliefs that have helped me in my work as a Change Coach and Keynote Speaker encounter again and again.

Negative beliefs examples

The list is of course not exhaustive, and if I had not been limited by space, I could have added many more examples.

Types of beliefs

Regardless of whether they are positive or limiting, beliefs can be roughly divided into four different categories, all of which have one thing in common: They are emotionally charged.

  1. Self-esteem and self-imageThese beliefs concern our convictions about who we are and what we are worth. Positive self-esteem beliefs strengthen our self-confidence and self-esteem, while negative self-esteem beliefs can make us feel inferior or unworthy.

  2. Success and performanceThese beliefs relate to what we think about our abilities and potential. Positive success beliefs encourage us to work hard and overcome challenges, while negative beliefs can convince us that we are not good enough or that success is unattainable for us.

  3. Interpersonal relationshipsThese beliefs concern our convictions about other people and the nature of interpersonal relationships. Positive interpersonal beliefs promote trust, compassion and harmony, while negative beliefs can lead to mistrust, conflict and isolation.

  4. Money and prosperityThese beliefs influence our attitude towards money and financial success. Positive money beliefs support the belief in abundance and financial freedom, while negative beliefs can lead to scarcity, fear of money or financial dependence.

Properties of beliefs

Let us now go one step further and look together at seven fundamental characteristics that all beliefs have in common.

  1. Beliefs always come from outside: No baby is born a racist, cynic or optimist. People only develop all beliefs in the course of childhood and adolescence, especially from important caregivers such as parents, relatives, teachers or people with whom they have an emotional relationship.
  2. Beliefs work unconsciously: Our beliefs are deeply anchored in our subconscious and serve us faithfully on autopilot mode. Regardless of what we consciously decide to do.
  3. Beliefs determine our behavior: Beliefs act as a perception filter and therefore determine both our thinking and, above all, our decisions. You behave differently depending on how you see the world.
  4. Beliefs become stronger over time: The more convinced you are of something, the more evidence you will find of it in everyday life. And the more evidence you find that your conviction is correct, the more it will become entrenched.
  5. Beliefs can be beneficial: Positive beliefs have an activating effect, direct your focus towards opportunities in life and ensure that you are able to develop your full potential.
  6. Beliefs can be limiting: Negative beliefs have a limiting effect, focus on problems in life and (unconsciously) ensure that you sabotage yourself and do not achieve the success that you (consciously) want so much.
  7. Beliefs can be changed: This is perhaps the most important quality of all. Because even if beliefs always work unconsciously, they can still be changed. 

How do beliefs arise?

Now that we know what exactly beliefs are and what properties they have, let's look at how they come about in the first place. It should come as no surprise by now that this does not happen by chance. Instead, beliefs are the direct result of a wide variety of influences from your environment. They develop from the influences you are constantly exposed to. The information you consume, the people you surround yourself with, the places you move around in and the way you talk to yourself.

  • ExperienceEarly experiences, especially in childhood, significantly shape our belief systems. Positive experiences can lead to positive beliefs, while negative experiences can lead to limiting beliefs.

  • Education and environmentThe people around us, such as parents, teachers, friends and colleagues, as well as social norms and values, strongly influence our beliefs. What we learn from others about ourselves and the world shapes our beliefs and assumptions.

  • SoliloquiesOur inner dialogs and thought patterns play an important role in the formulation of our beliefs. By saying certain things to ourselves over and over again, we reinforce certain beliefs and consolidate them in our subconscious.

To put it simply, you can imagine it like this: You take on a belief in the form of an opinion, an idea or a prejudice and adopt it uncritically. And off you go. Suddenly you find the aforementioned „evidence“ everywhere in your everyday life that confirms your new conviction. And the more „evidence“ you find, the deeper the belief becomes embedded in your subconscious.

Our core beliefs are formed primarily in childhood and adolescence, but even in adulthood this process follows exactly the same pattern. And before you know it, you believe deeply and firmly that success is hard, money corrupts your character and other people are just waiting to rip you off. The firmer your conviction, the more you will notice these things in everyday life. And as a result, the conviction becomes stronger again. A classic spiral that can either bring you closer to your goals or ensure that you permanently sabotage yourself. Because beliefs multiply and strengthen over time.

Mind viruses - how beliefs multiply

This is where the name Richard Brodie comes into play. What, you've never heard of him? First of all, you should be more or less grateful to him. In his former life, Brodie was a software programmer at Microsoft and, in this capacity, the developer of the Word writing program. At some point, however, he decided to follow his calling and became a speaker and author (funny, that sounds kind of familiar). In his new role, he devoted himself to studying how external programming influences internal beliefs.

As a result of his research, he wrote a book that I can warmly recommend to you. It bears the exciting title „Virus of the Mind - The New Science of the Meme„. Based on research into the „selfish gene“ by Richard Dawkins, Brodie describes how ideas implant themselves in the brain and spread there in the same way as a flu virus does, for example.

Two factors determine how strongly the information he calls „mind viruses“ become established in the brain. The first is regular repetition. Of course, the more often you have an idea in your head, the more familiar and real it becomes at some point. Then there is the emotional intensity. If an idea is presented in connection with love, sex, fear, children or food, the effect of the suggestion is multiplied many times over.

Ideas multiply like viruses in the brain

To check this out, all you have to do is go to the nearest newsstand and buy the latest issue of Bild. It is full of examples of both of the above phenomena. The combination of intensity and repetition then ensures that a thought virus spreads just as quickly as a typical flu epidemic does. The worst thing about it is that most ideas and opinions are now adopted and passed on without a single spark of personal thought. Newspapers copy each other. Friends tell each other about the latest discovery that came on TV, and modern chain letters are shared and spread indiscriminately on WhatsApp. And once an opinion or prejudice is in our heads, it doesn't want to get out any time soon.

It has therefore never been more important to critical thinker to become. Otherwise you are helplessly at the mercy of the external programming of advertising experts, television producers and radio presenters. You are not always programmed directly. Often it is simply stereotypical but highly emotional images. Imagine you open the newspaper and see a harmless-looking cartoon in which a poor woman is being ripped off by a fat, greedy captain of industry. What message is unconsciously conveyed there? Right, the rich are fat, greedy and exploit poor (and of course honest) people at every opportunity.

The more often you accept such messages uncritically, the stronger their effect and the more they develop into core beliefs on which your view of the world and, above all, of yourself is based. These beliefs sit deep in your subconscious and spread there like the famous thought virus from the movie Inception with Leonardo DiCaprio, in which it is possible to infiltrate other people's dreams and place ideas there. What was once an external idea has become your internal reality.

The sum of your core beliefs then inevitably leads to your unconscious autopilot not being geared towards success and abundance, but towards lack and mediocrity. And then you can be convinced on a conscious level that you want to be successful. If your autopilot is programmed for the exact opposite, you will not achieve your goal. Einstein already knew that when the logical mind and the subconscious are in conflict, the subconscious mind always prevails. And please don't use this statement to do the same as the masses and completely abandon the mind. The ability to think critically, to make conscious decisions and to use the gigantic capacity of the brain is the greatest gift that nature has endowed you with.

Effects of beliefs

Beliefs have an enormous impact on our lives. They can motivate and inspire us or hold us back and restrict us. Some of the effects of beliefs are:

  • Behavior and actionsOur beliefs influence how we act and react. Positive beliefs can encourage us to take risks, take on new challenges and work hard towards our goals, while negative beliefs can cause us to withdraw, be insecure and miss opportunities.

  • Emotions and feelingsOur beliefs also influence our emotional reactions to different situations. Positive beliefs can promote a sense of joy, gratitude and fulfillment, while negative beliefs can lead to anxiety, frustration and depression.

  • RelationshipsOur beliefs about ourselves and other people also shape our interpersonal relationships. Positive beliefs promote trust, closeness and respect in relationships, while negative beliefs can lead to mistrust, conflict and separation.

  • Success and performanceOur beliefs about our abilities and potential significantly influence our success and performance. Positive beliefs can encourage us to work hard, overcome obstacles and achieve our goals, while negative beliefs can prevent us from reaching our full potential and realizing our dreams.

Beliefs in everyday life

The more critically you think and the more consciously you pay attention to your thought patterns, decision-making strategies and typical everyday behavior, the more often you will discover that a negative belief is sabotaging your success. Limiting beliefs lurk everywhere and are often reflected in the following patterns:

  • Excuses

  • Emotional reactions

  • Negative thoughts

  • Negative thought patterns

  • Assumptions

  • Doubts

  • Recurring patterns

  • Cultural myths

  • Urge for perfectionism

  • Justifications

  • Worries

  • Self-deception

  • Stereotypes

  • Self-optimization mania

  • Inner critic

  • All the stories we tell ourselves every day

Lurking in all these behaviors and patterns are deep-seated beliefs that, by filtering reality, decide what you actually do and how you react to certain things.

Changing beliefs

Now we come to perhaps the most important section of this article. It is dedicated to the question: „How can beliefs be changed?“ As beliefs operate at an unconscious level, they can only be changed there in the long term. These Shift begins with a clear and conscious decision and ends with the integration of an alternative belief, which can then do its automated duty in place of the former limiting belief. In order to be as specific as possible, I would like to describe this brief explanation in as much detail as possible by presenting the 7-step process for dissolving and changing limiting beliefs.

Changing limiting beliefs: The 7-step process

  1. Identify a negative belief and ask yourself the following question: “How exactly do I know this?”

  2. Analyze as consciously as possible how exactly the belief makes itself felt in your everyday life. When does it appear, what triggers it and what behaviors are typical consequences?

  3. Ask yourself: “What would happen if I kept this belief?”

  4. When analyzing persuasion, use the following idea as a guide: “Only argue for the limitations that you want to keep.”

  5. Formulate a positive alternative to replace the negative belief.

  6. Consciously and consistently integrate the new, positive belief into your everyday life.

  7. Give yourself at least 66 days and make a Habit out of it.

These seven steps follow a recurring pattern of change: bring an unconscious behavior to the surface. Change it there. Apply it consciously until it becomes a new unconscious habit.

What are beliefs - A final thought

Phew, I admit that dealing with the question „What are beliefs?“ ended up being a really long article. However, I very much hope that you now feel fully informed and that all your unanswered questions about beliefs have been answered. If this is not the case, I look forward to your comments and will then gradually add to the article.

Limiting beliefs as the cause of self-sabotage

Posted on by Mariana-A

Self-sabotage triggered by limiting beliefs probably prevents more people from achieving their personal goals and dreams than all other factors combined. What do I mean by that? It's quite simple. Perhaps you know this from friends, work colleagues or even from yourself. On a conscious level, you really want to achieve something, Achievements and turn their dreams into reality. But unconsciously, negative programming and beliefs ensure that consciously set plans are torpedoed, sabotaged and fought against.

In this blog article, we will look at the exact background and the solution to unconscious self-sabotage (I am talking about the ability to unlearn what we have learned). Let's start with a little journey back in time. Because that's where the origins lie.

Unconscious self-sabotage: the roots lie in childhood

May I make a confession? I was never a good student. I more or less muddled through from year 8 at the latest. And if I hadn't had some of my favorite subjects, my complete lack of interest in math, physics and chemistry would probably have broken my neck in terms of grades. But only today, many years and a great deal of life experience later, do I know why school and I never became best friends. It was because of the structure, the goals and the messages that were consciously or unconsciously drummed into me throughout my childhood.

Perhaps some of them sound familiar to you:

  • Seat still
  • Prepare well for the next exam
  • Adapt
  • Do your homework. Do not question
  • Follow the teacher's instructions
  • Learn by heart
  • Don't write over the edge in your notebook
  • Don't do more than necessary. Rules are more important than creativity
  • Stay in the background
  • The collective is more important than the individual
  • Avoid risks
  • Do what everyone does
  • Put the daydreams out of your head
  • Do what everyone does
  • And last but not least, of course, the well-known classic Good grades are more important than understanding something.

The result? The school system has killed my creativity and spirit of discovery. And because the methods from the 1980s are still in place today, millions of children are real experts at memorizing and passing exams, but have virtually no problem-solving skills.

Of course, this is not the teachers„ fault, because many teachers are super committed and really great. Unfortunately, they have to struggle with exactly the same obstacles, because the institution of school doesn't like creative teachers. Instead, it likes rigid curricula. Fixed structures. And no deviation from the norm under any circumstances. The status quo of the education system then leads to a situation where the only skill our children master perfectly after graduation is “being good at school".

But what is the relevance of memorizing facts that could be googled within a few seconds? How important is it to regurgitate answers that the teachers asking the questions already know? That's right, completely different skills are required in real life. Neither Astrid Lindgren, Elon Musk, Arianna Huffington or any other extraordinary personality owes their success to a school education. We are no longer living in an industrialized society where schools were supposed to produce conformist workers who would then work diligently and reliably on the assembly lines of factories. Unfortunately, being good at school is just as irrelevant when it comes to setting up a start-up, running a company or developing future-oriented ideas as if you were an absolute expert at bowling.

Messages of failure and programming get stuck in the subconscious

Things aren't getting any better in university either. The topics and content may be more complex, but it is still primarily about memorizing exam-relevant information. The practical application of knowledge in different contexts, on the other hand, plays virtually no role. It was a defining moment in my life when, as a newly qualified business graduate my career as a department store manager at Karstadt started. Werner Zeller, the head of department who was supposed to train me, greeted me straight away: „Grzeskowitz, it's nice that you studied. But no one is interested in that in real life. In practice, completely different skills are required. It's best to unlearn everything you learned at university as quickly as possible.“

Rumms. The announcement hit home. But it led to me adopting a new perspective. Because I realized that the imprints, messages and suggestions of the education system would only get in the way of my future. And before I knew it, I was facing what was probably the most difficult Shift of my life so far. I had to learn to unlearn everything I had grown up with. What had been drilled into me at school for years. I had to discard the messages from the past and redefine who I wanted to be. What I believe in. And which Mindset should drive me. There is a direct connection between the results in our lives and our current mindset, which you can imagine as follows.

Mindset unconscious self-sabotage

The mindset as a determining factor in thinking and behavior

However the Mindset you are currently going through life with, it is the unique combination of your Identity, your most important Values and your deepest convictions. This special mix not only determines your general world view, but also your skills, your behavior, your decision-making strategies and, at the end of the day, your results. Or to put it in a nutshell:

Your behavior is always a direct reflection of your mindset.

No matter how much you want to be a successful entrepreneur on an intellectual level, achieve financial freedom or finally find your partner for life. If your mindset is based on an identity that is contrary to these dreams and the associated beliefs, then you will do everything you can to ensure that reality aligns with your convictions. This is due to a universal correlation when it comes to change in life.

The more a behavior attacks our current mindset, the more we will unconsciously do everything we can to postpone or even completely prevent this behavior.

Please note that this process takes place completely unconsciously, even if you are rationally guided by your Targets are convinced. Nevertheless, people are true artists at unconsciously sabotaging all these consciously expressed intentions in order to preserve their own identity and the convictions that go with it.

Limiting beliefs as the origin of unconscious self-sabotage

Instead of beliefs, you can also say convictions or beliefs. This refers to the supposed facts and connections that you believe to be true, as well as the general principles of how life works, what is possible or who you are or could be as a person. Would you like a few examples? Here is an incomplete selection of a few classics:

  • Cobbler stick to your last
  • I am not good enough
  • Money corrupts character
  • Rather expect the worst, then you won't be disappointed
  • First the work, then the pleasure
  • Life is no walk in the park
  • Humanity is getting worse and worse
  • I magically attract failure
  • It's not that easy
  • To be successful, you have to extend your elbows
  • I am to blame for everything
  • I don't have the time for that
  • That may work for others, but it's different for me
  • Or my absolute favorite: change has to be hard for it to work.

I'm sure you're thinking of other examples as you read this, aren't you? Then let's move on to what is probably the most important characteristic of beliefs. They don't just appear out of nowhere and are suddenly there. Quite the opposite.

Beliefs always come from outside. We adopt them from other people.

Do you know a baby who was born racist? Do you know a little boy who goes through life with discriminatory prejudices? Or a girl who ostracizes her foreign friend in kindergarten because she is convinced that she will take her job away later on? You see, I don't either. We only learn all our beliefs (both positive and negative) over time from important people in our social environment. Whether we like it or not, we adopt the world view of our parents, relatives and later our teachers. At first, these beliefs are still very small and fragile. But the more we see them confirmed, the more they become entrenched. Until at some point they are deeply anchored in our subconscious, where they reliably unfold their effect.

Beliefs as a central pillar of the mindset

By the time we are teenagers at the latest, we have developed a mindset that serves as a compass for our lives. We have learned what is good and what is bad. What to do and what not to do. What place fate has assigned us and what our future will look like. And since the mass of messages we have been bombarded with has tended to be negative, the mass of our beliefs is correspondingly limiting. The result: despite our best intentions, we sabotage ourselves and struggle with the constant feeling that we are running into a glass wall. Because our behavior is always a reflection of our mindset. And what is even more insidious is that we are completely unaware of all this.

„Okay Ilja, if my mindset automatically influences my abilities, my behavior and my decisions, then all I have to do is change my mindset in a positive way and my subconscious programs will automatically lead me closer to my goals and dreams, right?“ I'm glad you asked. My answer comes in Radio Yerevan style (based on the jokes that were very popular in my youth) and is: In principle, yes, because the big challenge is actually lurking in the inconspicuous word. It doesn't work at the snap of a finger and takes a certain amount of time. As you can see in the illustration, the only way to permanently change your mindset through your thoughts, decisions and behavior is through conscious learning.

Learning to unlearn: one of the most important skills of the future

The basic process of learning how to unlearn something is surprisingly simple. It involves identifying a limiting pattern and bringing it from the subconscious to the conscious surface. There we can then replace it with a beneficial alternative and turn it back into an unconscious automatism that then does its positive work for us. Sounds simple at first, doesn't it? And it is. However, as is so often the case, the word simple means, above all, not complicated and not easy. Because unconscious patterns can be extremely stubborn and it takes a great deal of discipline, commitment and perseverance to transform a negative habit into a positive one.

Of course, I know that these values don't sound particularly sexy in times when everyone just wants to live in the moment and have all their needs met immediately. But not only is it worthwhile, it can also be a lot of fun. If you look at the illustration, you can see the 4-step process at a glance.

Learning to unlearn: breaking through and overcoming unconscious self-sabotage

Before we look at the individual stages, it is important that we take another detailed look at the principle of unconscious automatisms. They always work in the same way. Imagine that you are writing a computer program based on the following algorithm: Whenever X happens, respond with Y. A classic stimulus-response scheme. In the context of human behavior, X is a certain trigger that evokes an emotional response, reminds us of a certain experience or triggers a state. Images, words, sounds, smells, tastes or tones can serve as triggers. If such a trigger is activated, our subconscious automatically rewinds the learned program. Here are some specific examples:

  • You smell the aroma of fresh cake and immediately remember a wonderful situation from your childhood
  • Your partner reacts to a suggestion with a typical facial expression and you automatically feel insecure
  • You listen to your favorite song in the car and are motivated as if by magic
  • You look at your overflowing email inbox and immediately start distracting yourself with pointless social media surfing
  • Your boss uses a certain tone of voice and you feel insecure
  • Before a presentation, you look into the faces of your audience and your heart starts to beat faster
  • You're driving down the highway hungry and spot the glowing M of a large fast food chain. Although you want to eat healthily, you pull off at the exit and order a double cheeseburger with fries and a milkshake (you know, I got this example from a friend)

Overcoming unconscious self-sabotage: The 4-step process

In each of these examples, the respective trigger ensures that an automatic program is unwound. Your subconscious doesn't care whether it's something positive or negative. Only one thing is important: when X happens, it reacts with Y. This leads to a crucial insight. If we are dissatisfied with Y, then we have to start with X.

Overcoming unconscious self-sabotage Level 1: Awareness

Your subconscious runs at full speed every day. You think, decide and act. The problem is that the whole process is so automated that it has become so normal for you that you no longer even notice it. The aim of this step is to cut through this unconscious loop and bring unconscious patterns to the conscious surface. To do this, go through life with a high degree of mindfulness.

Be aware of which triggers trigger which behavior in you. Which thoughts you think in which situations. Which strategy your Decisions determined. And which patterns you can recognize in your behaviour. At first, this will seem like an almost impossible task. No wonder, because where your everyday life was on autopilot not long ago, you are now taking the wheel into your own hands. But mindfulness can also be trained. And the more consciously you become of the many processes that were previously completely unconscious, the easier step two will be for you.

Overcoming unconscious self-sabotage Level 2: Unlearning

The more mindfully you go through life, the more unconscious patterns you will notice that are limiting rather than beneficial for you. Now choose one of these patterns that you would like to change. Pay close attention to the strategies behind the behavior for a few days. How exactly does the pattern work? What exactly do you do and in what order do you do it? Which senses are involved? And most importantly: What trigger sets off the behavior? The aim is to interrupt the learned program „If X happens, then react with Y“ as consciously as possible and reprogram it in the next step.

Overcoming unconscious self-sabotage Level 3: Learning

Now it's time to make a decision. Which alternative behavior would you like to establish as an unconscious automatism instead of the old one? Unfortunately, it is not enough to simply say goodbye to a negative habit. Without a positive alternative, this attempt is doomed to failure. Why? Because once the behavior has been banished, a vacuum is created. Whenever trigger X is triggered, the „program“ desperately searches for the usual reaction Y.

If you do not offer an alternative at this point, people will revert to their old behavior after a short time. It is not enough just to decide that you no longer want to eat fast food, for example, you also need the corresponding new choice. The algorithm could then look like this: „Whenever I see the glowing M on the highway, I take a deep breath, drink a sip of water and enjoy a protein bar.“

Overcoming unconscious self-sabotage Level 4: Habit

The final step is to turn the chosen change into a new - and beneficial - automatism. The more consciously you associate the trigger with the new behavior, the more successful the transformation will be. As James Clear describes in his bestseller Atomic Habits, it takes an average of 66 days to establish a new habit. So why not start a project that takes just as long? Two factors are important here. Firstly, consciously incorporating the new behavior into your everyday life. And secondly, regularity. Because the more often the new program is repeated, the more likely it is to sink back into your subconscious and from then on achieve its positive effect as an automatism.

Unconscious self-sabotage: examples from everyday life

In this way, you have a wonderful method at hand to unlearn limiting patterns, establish new habits and thus gradually overcome your unconscious self-sabotage. Do you still need some inspiration as to which areas are worth learning how to unlearn unconscious automatisms? Here we go:

  • Limiting beliefs
  • Poor decision-making strategies
  • Negative thought patterns
  • Unnecessary assumptions
  • Impulsive behavior
  • Emotional reactions
  • Unfounded prejudices
  • The tendency to look for excuses as to why something doesn't work
  • The focus on problems
  • Excessive doubting
  • The tendency to justify oneself
  • The urge for perfectionism
  • The stories you tell yourself every day

I wish you joy and success in discovering and breaking through your unconscious self-sabotage. But make sure that you don't want too much at once. Not only is automaticity more than enough at the moment, but you also increase the likelihood of lasting change.