Success is not happiness! That's the chorus of the famous song by the band Kontra K from 2015. But if it's not luck, then a crucial question arises: what is success? And that's exactly what this article is about. We will take a closer look at the nature of success, attempt to define it and, of course, discuss the best way to become successful. However, I would like to start with a little journey through time.
Success is an asshole
„Success is an asshole!“ I slammed the sentence in my reflection's face with contempt. It was New Year's Eve many years ago. I was still Managing Director at Karstadt, and, after another transfer, freshly arrived in a new city. Despite the special day, I had worked late, as I often do, and only returned to my furnished apartment at around 7pm. I felt a certain trepidation. No wonder, as it was the first time I was to spend the new year completely alone.
In a city that I hadn't chosen and where I didn't know a single person. While parties were going on everywhere, corks were popping and boisterous laughter was ringing in my ears, my evening plans were different. First a pizza from the delivery service, a six-pack of beer to wash it down, then a bit of TV watching and a toast with myself at midnight. An absolute low point in my life, because never before had I felt so lonely and empty.
And this was at a time when everyone around me would have described me as very successful. No wonder, because from the outside I really was something of a high-flyer who had taken the career ladder by storm and had achieved everything that others only dreamed of. There was just one huge problem: if this was actually true, why was I so frustrated inside?
And suddenly my negative emotions got the better of me and I was firmly convinced: Success is an asshole. Because if you had to pay such a price for success in life, then there was no way I wanted to be successful. A little later, I went to bed depressed before throwing myself back into the hamster wheel two days later. Today, I am very grateful for that New Year's Eve, because my absolute low point was also a turning point in my life. It was as if a switch had been flipped inside me.
What is success? The question of all questions
I realized for the first time that my frustration had nothing to do with external circumstances, but was entirely the result of my own Decisions that I had made over the last few years - and of course the decisions that I hadn't made. It wasn't success that was the asshole, it was just me. Because I had allowed myself to be guided by a definition of success that wasn't mine. Because I hadn't had my own story for a long time and had based myself on other people's expectations.
And there was only one person who could change that. That was me. So I gave myself my word that I would change. Not just a little, but radically. To stop accepting compromises and finally do my own thing. This didn't happen overnight, because I first had to find out what I really wanted. But the seeds were sown and I am still reaping the benefits today. Because I have learned three things:
- It is never the shiny, flashy and glamorous moments in our lives that shape our character. It is the low points, because these are almost always also turning points.
- Dissatisfaction, defeat or frustration can be extremely powerful sources of motivation if we manage to transform these powerful emotions into productivity and a corresponding „right now“ mentality.
- Success is an individual thing that everyone defines differently.
Yes, now it's time to get down to business. Because I want to talk to you about the word I wrongly called an asshole so many years ago. No other subject has ever had so many books written, lectures given and articles published about it, and entrepreneur Darren Hardy has given it a new meaning with the Success Magazine even paid a printed tribute.
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What does it actually mean to be successful?
I would like to start with a very personal question: Would you describe yourself as successful? Not so easy to answer, is it? Because success is actually much more complex than what is always sold to us in the media as a prototype. I mean the big bank account, the Rolex on the wrist, the stellar career, the Porsche in the garage, the yacht in the port of Monaco and, in general, a life characterized by luxury and status symbols. Take a look at any advertisement of your choice or walk through any shopping mall and you'll know what I'm talking about.
However, it is precisely this definition of success, which is fixated on external factors and recognition from other people, that is leading more and more people to chase after goals that are not their own. They follow the dictates of the zeitgeist, succumb to the temptations of the modern media world and, in doing so, imperceptibly but steadily move away from their own goals. Values, beliefs and dreams. And that makes you extremely unhappy in the long run. Because you unconsciously feel that you are living a life that is at odds with your own identity.
Success is more than faster higher further
After all, can success really only be measured by material things, external achievements and the attainment of socially conforming standards? Targets can you pin it down? Is it not a success if a single mother raises her three children, works two jobs at the same time and is still happy and content? Is it not a success if a family decides to live far away from the big city in an old farmhouse and become completely self-sufficient? And is it not a success if a successful lawyer gives up his career and lives on ten dollars a day as a diving instructor in Thailand, but has finally found peace of mind through this activity?
These are just three examples from millions of others that clearly show one thing: Success always comes from the inside out, for example when we have put a plan into action, achieved a goal that is important to us or made a significant decision. Above all, however, success is always linked to our entire personal Change diamonds linked.
Because it is your identity, your values and your beliefs that ultimately determine what is really important to you in life. Of course, money and material things always play a certain role; all those people who try to persuade you that money is not important are not telling you the truth. However, it must not become an end in itself. Because the factors responsible for happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment usually lie on a completely different level.
Success definition
I would therefore like to ask you the same question that I asked my Coaching clients as well:
What success means for you?
It is helpful if you have some clarity about what is really important to you, what drives you and what gives your life meaning. This will be very useful to you in answering the question and I cannot emphasize enough how important deep reflection is for your personal future. Do I need to point out again that you absolutely must be radically honest with yourself? As always, the same applies here: You can fool the people around you for a while. But the person who looks at you in the mirror every morning can sense very clearly when appearance and reality are permanently out of sync.
So now „butter to the fish“, as they say in my northern German homeland, here are the facts:
What is your personal definition of success?
Is it a career in a global corporation? The dream of owning your own business? Or perhaps a harmonious family life in the country with five children, a large collection of pets and your own farm?
Please block out all thoughts of other people, other people's expectations or social conformity. It's your life and your satisfaction, and therefore also your definition of success. „Okay, Ilya, but I honestly think fast cars, lots of money and an international jet-set lifestyle are pretty sexy.“ Wonderful. If money and material things are important to you, then do everything you can to get as much of it as possible. But if it's something completely different, then please give these needs the space they deserve.
Success always comes from the inside out
I myself always enjoy the luxurious aspects of life. I collect beautiful (and unfortunately expensive) watches, I prefer to stay at the Ritz Carlton when I travel rather than in a flat-rate bed in an industrial estate and there is nothing I enjoy spending as much money on as good food in excellent restaurants. It fills me with gratitude every time that I have worked hard to be able to afford all these luxuries. But I don't need these comforts to be happy and I could always live without them. This awareness alone dramatically increases my personal freedom.
The better you know what is important to you, the better you can fill the word success with appropriate content. And this puts you in a position to organize your life, your job and your everyday life in such a way that you can be successful in all these areas. In order to provide you with the best possible support, I would like to give you my formula for success, which you can apply to every conceivable definition of success. But before that, I would like to share a mantra with you that has often served me well and can do the same for you. It reads: If it feels good, it can't be that bad! There's a lot to it, isn't there?
What success means: clarity, focus and diligence
Your own individual definition of success is the indispensable foundation for happiness and satisfaction in life. And in order to be successful in the long term and, in particular, simply to be successful, we now want to fill the abstract concept of success with life and transform it into concrete results with the corresponding actions. Because the bottom line is that success comes from the consistent and constant repetition of supposedly small things. And that is why my very personal formula for success is:
Success = clarity x focus x diligence
Genuine and sustainable success is always the result of these three factors. It starts with a deep clarity about what is important to you. This is followed by an unconditional focus on the necessary factors. And if you then combine these two qualities with hard, motivated and, in particular, long-term work, then success will almost inevitably follow. So let's take a closer look at the individual components of the success formula.
What is success? Clarity as a success factor
As children, we often played cowboys and Indians. We all had our own preferences as to which role we wanted to play in our afternoon activities. However, we didn't have much choice back then, simply because we didn't have the right role models. So some of us usually played the Apache chief Winnetou, while others preferred to be Marshal Matt Dillon, the protagonist from the cool series „Smoking Guns“.
These days, superheroes are a dime a dozen (my favorites are definitely Batman, Ironman and Rocket the raccoon from Guardians of the Galaxy), and when I watch my kids play, it's not so much about which role they want to take on, but a completely different question: „Which superpower would you like to have?“
Their eyes regularly light up at the answers that follow. Mind reading, invisibility, time travel, speed, flying or the ability to move objects using only the power of thought are just some of the things that children today wish for. How would you answer me? What would be your favorite superpower? My choice will probably surprise you, because I would choose clarity.
No other quality is so crucial when it comes to leading a fulfilled and satisfied life. And clarity is also essential for our individual definition of success. Only when you know what you want, what is important to you and what really makes you happy - and of course what you don't want, what is not important to you and what makes you unhappy - can you make the necessary decisions to get it.
The bottom line is that your own level of clarity stands and falls with the answer to the question of what really counts in life and what exactly you expect from it. And then there is a special domino effect that fascinates me time and time again. I have been able to marvel at it myself, but also in my work with my clients. Clarity leads to more commitment in the first step, because the increased awareness of your own values and what you really want is naturally also noticeable in your own communication.
You make faster, more comprehensible decisions and give people around you guidance. This increases your charisma and ultimately the impact you achieve in different areas of life.
Clarity => Commitment => Effect
But the clarity also has another, also very important side effect. The Americans like to refer to this as Skin in the Game, and the term can best be translated as commitment. Incidentally, I searched for a long time, but I couldn't think of a German word that would even come close to describing the meaning of commitment. So please forgive me for the Anglicism. But you know what I'm getting at, don't you?
Because if something is really important to you, you will do everything you can to make it happen. You invest time, energy and money. You go the extra mile and persevere when you come up against headwinds or your original Motivation something wears off. No matter what you plan to do, please always make sure that you Skin in the Game that it is really important to you.
Your motivation is wearing off? Ask yourself: Do I have enough skin in the game?
I regularly observe the effects this can have at my own seminars and events (e.g. my certified coaching training). Sometimes I offer discounted tickets or even invite someone - I do this for people who are at the start of their career or are going through a difficult financial phase. However, with this group of participants, I regularly find that although people start the courses with great ambitions, they usually fail to put them into practice.
This is completely different for participants who have paid the full participation fee. Here, words are usually followed by deeds. Because these people Skin in the Game have. Because they have invested a considerable amount of money in themselves and have massively raised their own standards as a result. Clarity therefore not only leads to more commitment and a high impact, but ultimately also to increased implementation competence.
What is success? Focus as a success factor
Now that you have worked on your clarity, it is time to bundle your strengths and align your focus. Concentrate on what really moves you forward and not get distracted and bogged down with unimportant things. I recommend the metaphor of heaven and hell. What is behind it? It's quite simple. The exclusive focus on two areas: On the one side is heaven.
By this I mean everything related to your dreams, your vision and your strategy. You could also call it working on your company or your life. To build a mnemonic bridge, you can also think of castles in the air that are so huge that there is only room very high above them. Well, and then of course there's hell. By that I mean the hard work, the doing and the concrete implementation of the strategy you developed in heaven.
Please don't be confused by the negative meaning of the word hell, but I chose the term because it is the antidote to heaven. And if we're honest, focusing on the three oft-cited letters T, U and N can sometimes feel a bit like hell, can't it? That's the notorious price we have to be prepared to pay. (I then like to imagine the voice of Wolfgang Petry in my head, belting out „Hell, hell, hell“ at the top of his voice, and I'm back in a positive frame of mind. Definitely try it out!)
Success lies in heaven or hell. Anything in between will only distract you.
Whatever your specific goals and plans are, always ask yourself: am I in heaven or hell? In other words: from now on, only use your three most important resources - time, energy and money - for tasks that are directly related to these two areas - i.e. either your vision, your strategy or the development of great ideas - or for the concrete realization of your goals. Implementation of these things.
Everything in between should either be delegated or left alone. Because the tasks that are between heaven and hell may keep you wonderfully busy, but the bottom line is that they are just a distraction that is not productive and does not bring you any closer to your goals. So adjust your focus. Your success will thank you for it.
What is success? Success factor diligence
I would like to share three of my most deeply held beliefs with you: „No pain, no gain“, „Fortune favors the hard-working“ and „In the long run, hard work always beats talent“. Because I believe in nothing more than good old hard work. „But Ilja, that's really outdated now, because in times of digital change, it's much more important to work smart, isn't it?“ I hear this objection regularly. And yet I stand by my statement. Because everyone works smart today. Me too, by the way. Because it's simply an absolute basic requirement, but by no means a distinguishing feature. And because that's the case, hard work pays off after all.
Work smart and hard. This rare combination automatically gives you a unique selling point.
This brings us to the third factor of the success formula, namely diligence. If you know what is important to you and put all your focus on these things, then it depends on how intensively and, in particular, over the long term you get involved. And not just once, but again and again. Even on days when you don't feel like it.
When you are struggling with a setback. When you would like to give up everything. In all these situations, diligence helps you to keep going. One of my great idols, the Terminator Arnold Schwarzenegger himself, said this in his famous „Six Rules of Success Speech“ perfectly summed up with two legendary sentences:
„You can't climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pocket“ and „While you are taking a nap, somebody else is working his butt off“.
In translation, this means „You can't climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets“ and „While you're taking a nap, someone else is working their butt off“. There's nothing more to add. No success without hard work. It's as simple as that.
Success is individual. And it always is.
These were the three factors of the success formula. Clarity. Focus. And diligence. Let these qualities become an integral part of your attitude to life and success will inevitably follow in all areas of your life. Of course, this does not mean that things will become easier from now on or that everything will happen by itself. On the contrary, you will continue to make mistakes, experience setbacks and struggle with defeats.
But you will grow from these challenges and become better. And that is perhaps the greatest success of all. However, the more confidence you have in yourself, the more the whingers, know-it-alls and naysayers will come crawling out of their holes. It will therefore be crucial for your personal satisfaction that you dare to do your thing even more.
Let's come to the last question of the article, dear readers: What is success for you? I look forward to your comments...
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